


Everything's Fine (Heartbeat Racing the Interstate)

by gravityinglass



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Gen, M/M, Roadtrip, olymfics, this spun out of control
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-26
Updated: 2013-02-26
Packaged: 2017-12-03 17:19:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,607
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/700750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gravityinglass/pseuds/gravityinglass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Wherein Niall plans a road trip (which started everything), Harry runs away (and everyone is pissed off), Liam swears and gets drunk (there's a lot going on and he's only human), Zayn might or might not have a restraining order on Taylor Swift (no one is actually sure), Louis refuses to pick up his phone (and not just Harry is pissed off), everyone uses voicemail, and nothing at all works out in the end.</p><p>Or, One Direction has been broken up for four years, and Niall's had just about enough of tiptoing around his former bandmates and decides the best way to fix it is a roadtrip.<br/>...he never said it was one of his best ideas.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Everything's Fine (Heartbeat Racing the Interstate)

**Author's Note:**

> Warning(s): Nudity at several points of a nonsexual nature, gay/straight relationships, passing reference to depression and a passing reference to drug use. Joking references to restraining orders and past semi-abusive/failed) relationships.
> 
> I have no excuse for this. Title comes from The Summer Set's Begin Again (just listen to it, it's basically the theme) and All Time Low's Heartbeat Racing the Interstate (and that's what started this whole debacle). Every section has a song at the beginning--I recommend listening to it as you read.
> 
> Anyways, this swiftly spun out of control. It was initially supposed to be about 10k? Yeah, I passed 10k within the first three days and three weeks later had a nearly 40k monster that ate my entire life. Like most of my stories, it started as a love story (the ending was initially really different from where this ended up), but about halfway in I realized it was a story about love and not really a love story in and of itself. So if you're reading this for the sex, you should stop now because this story has none of that anywhere.
> 
> Various other notes: I have relocated the WMYB beach from Malibu to somewhere on the coast between LA and San Francisco. I could change it, but I am a lazy shit, so no. 
> 
> AT THIS POINT, I should probably clarify that all addresses and/or phone numbers are entirely fictional. Don't go getting ideas, people, because you'll end up with either a) irate/confused people and b) a nonexistent destination. General disclaimers apply: I don't own any of the people mentioned, nor do I own any landmarks mentioned, nor do I own any songs used. Any allusions to actual people is not an implication I own them.

**part i: life's like a road**

_l_ _ife's like a road that you travel on well it's one day here and the next day gone sometimes you bend sometimes you stand sometimes you turn your back to the wind_

* * *

 

  _You've reached Liam and Danielle. We can't come to the phone right now, so please leave a message at the beep_!

"Hey! It's Niall! I know you're screening your calls--still not sure how, exactly, you're doing that because I'm pretty sure you're home phone is just a mobile, but hey, you've always been good at getting tech to do stuff it's not supposed to--but here's the list of reasons why you should pick up your phone since you didn't answer your mobile. I promise I'm not the GossipRave reporter, and I haven't got tits so I'm fairly certain I'm not Dani, and I've never been married to Zayn, also, again, considering the lack of tits, so I'm pretty sure I'm not his psycho ex-wife, although you should-"

"Niall, hi!"

"--seriously consider changing your damn phone number, Liam."

"I probably should, one of these days. Anyway, was there a point to this phone call other than to remind me of some really intensely creepy people in my life?"

"One, I don't think Danielle appreciates being called intensely creepy. Two, yes, there is a point."

"..."

"..."

"... Well, what _was_ the point?"

"What would you say if I was working on getting One Direction together for a reunion road trip?"

"I'd say you should talk to your doctor about anti-psychosis meds. You do realize there's no way that's actually going to happen, right?"

"It could happen."

"Yeah, with blood and tears and possibly _cannibalism_ . Broken limbs at the very least."

"You're exaggerating, Liam."

"You've seriously managed to forget what happened the last time all five of us were in the same room?"

"... Well, no. But that was sort of mitigating circumstances."

"Those mitigating circumstances haven't worn out yet."

"It's been four years, though. Even... well, even _he_ can't hold a grudge for that long."

"It's a _hell_ of a lot more than a grudge, Niall. They won't even stay in the same country, or the same _continent_ if they can help it, much less the same _motor vehicle_. If you can get even one of the others in, I will be suitably impressed and agree. So. Road trip?"

"Road trip."

"Where to?"

"I don't know. Anywhere, really. I was thinking like everywhere in the US we never got to see when we were touring, the big cities and stuff, then maybe crossing the pond and seeing some of Europe, if we've got time."

"Not so much a _road_ trip, then."                                                                    

"I maintain that 'road trip' sounds better than 'road-and-sky-and-water- trip' and therefore we will be calling it a 'road trip.'"

"I can hear your air quotes. Is that even possible?"

"It shouldn't be, I don't think? Anyway. You in?"

"Let me make a few phone calls and I'll get back to you. Hey, Niall?"

"Yeah?"

"When would we be leaving?"

"Two weeks?"

"How long would we be gone?"

"Two weeks?"

"You haven't thought this through at all, have you?"

"Not at all."

"Alright. Well, I'll call you in a few hours. And Niall?"

"Yeah, Liam?"

"Don't get your hopes up on... you-know-who. He's been ignoring my calls for three years now. But..."

"But what?"

"Well, if anyone can fix whatever happened between them, it's going to be you. He might hate the rest of us, but he's always had a soft spot for you."

"Everyone has a soft spot for me, apparently."

"Yeah, you're the only one who still talks to _all_ of us. So there's that. Don't push too hard, though. If there's a chance of getting him back... don't ruin it."

"Noted. Talk to you later?"

"Yeah. Bye, Niall."

* * *

 

_Hi, you've reached Harry Styles. I'm probably busy right now, so leave a message and I'll call back when I can!_

"I swear to God, Styles, if you've taken a leaf from Liam's book and are fucking screening your calls now, I'm going to track you down and make you regret it. I know you have caller ID, dumbass. Whatever. Call me when you get this. And if you fucking have to ask who, we're going to be having problems."

* * *

 

"Niall Horan speaking."

"I still find it really fucking hilarious that you still answer your phone like that. Even _Liam_ doesn't do that anymore."

"Yeah, because he fucking _screens his calls_ now.  Hi, Harry."

"I honestly don't blame him."

"On that topic, why weren't you answering your phone earlier?"

"What, are you my girlfriend now?"

"No, just wondering if we can get group discounts on restraining orders."

"You are way too fucking enthusiastic about groupons, Niall."

"But it's a _group coupon_. Usually on _food_. And don't think I don't hear your attempt at evading my question."

"My phone got confiscated for texting during an interview again."

"Paul still riding herd on you?"

"He claims it's easier with one rather than five. Did we ever figure out why he stuck with me and not Liam?"

"Something about his son liking you more?"

"No, that was Lou and Lux, and they picked Liam."

"Right... Well, only you could turn an indie career into a successful acting career, especially since you couldn't even act a few years ago. Seriously, Harry. You're probably the only hipster on the planet to require a security team."

"I think being a former popstar might have something to do with that, and that Mark Foster might give me a run for my money."

"I will give you that. Tell Paul hi for me, though."

"Yeah, sure thing. So. You wanted me to call you back?"

"Yeah, I'm working on setting up a One Direction reunion road trip. Liam's in; are you?"

"..."

"...Hello? Harry, you still there?"

"Yeah, it's just a bit much to take in."

"Do you need time, or...?"

"Yeah, let me think about it. I'll call you back when I've got a decision."

"That doesn't sound like a yes."

"That's because it's not. Look, it's not the best time for me. My band just finished a tour, I've got a taping this week..."

"Right, how's your show going?"

"Better than I'd expected. It's a nice change from playing myself."

"You're in... what is it now, Season 7 of Teen Wolf?"

"Six."

"You'll do great."

"Yeah, it's just a fuckton of work."

"You're the adopted werewolf child of the pack leaders. I'm just glad that they didn't kill off Stiles when Derek went."

"They wouldn't have done that if there hadn't been--shit."

"Wait, what?"

"Contract. Can't talk about it."

"Dude. It's me."

"Dude. It's _you_. But the long and short of it was there was a thing with the director and an almost lawsuit and... yeah, stuff. A lot of work."

"So take a break and come with us on a road trip."

"Liam's in already, you said? What about Louis? And Zayn, of course."

"Haven't called either of them yet. Zayn'll be easy enough to convince, Liam's in and I've got a handy bit of blackmail I've been saving."

"You're going to give his ex his phone number."

"I'm not actually that cruel. I'm just going to _threaten_ to give his ex his mobile number."

"What part of 'he has a restraining order on his ex' are you not getting here, Niall?"

"The part where I actually follow through?"

"Actually, I've been meaning to ask. Why _does_ Zayn have a restraining order on her?"

"... I don't actually know. I think she refused to believe they weren't working and kept showing up where he lived after they split? Ask him, if you're so curious."

"She's sort of a sore topic with him. I'm not going to be the one to bring that up. One Direction interpersonal relationships are bad enough as it is."

"Yeah, why exactly, are you still not talking to Liam?"

" _He's_ not talking to _me_."

"No, I asked him the same thing earlier. He said you weren't talking to him."

"You didn't say anything about Louis."

"What? Change of topic much?"

"You're avoiding the question. You didn't say anything about Louis."

"Can you blame me, really?"

"Not really. I just... I don't have closure, is all."

"It's been four years, Haz."

"If you remember, I wanted forever."

"I do remember a few arguments to that effect. But... it's been four years, Harry. You're serious about not having moved on?"

"A little yeah. And Niall? If I go, Louis won't. You know that, right?"

"You're in?"

"I'm in. When do we head out?"

"Two weeks."

"Meet you at LAX, then?"

"Yeah. Maybe you could coordinate flights with Liam?"

"I'd really rather not, but I'll give him a ring. Or Danielle. I still talk with her sometimes. Nice talking with you, Niall."

"You too, Haz. Take care."

* * *

 

 _This is Zayn. I can't take your call right now or I've forgotten to charge my battery again or dropped my phone in the toilet. You'll probably do better calling the cafe or yelling at me in person. Leave a message at the beep_.

"Zayn, charge your damn phone. I'll call the cafe next."

* * *

 

"La Bella Luna Cafe and Bakery, Rosie speaking, how may I help you?"

"Can you tell Zayn that Niall's calling?"

"Yeah, sure... _Zayn, phone!_  He forgot to charge his battery again, didn't he?"

"His voicemail said something about a toilet?"

"That's only happened once, and it was like a year ago. _Seriously, Zayn, phone_!"

"If it's a bad time, I can call back later?"

"No, he's just flirting with the new pastry chef. _Zayn Malik, don't you make me come over there or I will rip your balls off and sell them on E-Bay, swear to God I will_!"

"That's a bit cruel, don't you think?"

"What's cruel is watching Sammy shoot him down and him not taking the hint that she's got a girlfriend."

"Thank you for the commentary on my love life, Rosie. I've got the extension. You can hang up now."

" _Charge your damn phone, Malik_."

"Has she hung up?"

"Yeah. Hi, Zayn Malik speaking, may I ask who this is?"

"My accent wasn't enough of a clue? It's Niall Horan."

"Niall, mate! How've you been?"

"Been better, been worse. How's the cafe?"

"Doing fantastically. We've got a new pastry chef; she's fantastic."

"I _still_ can't believe you opened a cafe."

" _I_ still can't believe I hired Rosie. She could give Simon Cowell a run for his money."

"I think that's why you hired her. Stockholm Syndrome."

"Yeah, maybe! So, what's up, Niall? You coming to London sometime soon? I'm pretty sure you haven't come to visit since moving out a couple years ago. Be cool to see you again, yeah?"

"Not my fault you stayed in London while the rest of us moved elsewhere."

"Yeah, how is everyone else?"

"Liam's Liam, Harry's working on his show, and I haven't talked to Louis yet."

" _Yet?_ You're planning something."

"Yeah, maybe a little bit."

"So spill."

"Liam, Harry and I are going on a road trip reunion type thing. I was wondering if you'd be up for it?"

"Fuck, yeah, of course. I haven't seen the lads in ages. Oh! Olly and Cher both said to tell you hello next time we talked."

"How's Cher, by the way?"

"She's going to have twins."

"You're joking."

"Dead serious."

"Damn. After the triplets?"

"That's what I said."

"She's going to need a lot of luck if they're anything like the little monsters she's already got. And Olly?"

"Same old, same old. He keeps trying to get me to record with him."

"Well, you are both mentors on the X-Factor, Zayn. You're going to have to sing with him at some point."

"I'd rather sing with Ed."

"Haven't seen him recently?"

"Nah, he and Harry probably see more of each other nowadays."

"If that fucker's been seeing Ed and didn't tell me, I swear to God..."

"Same old Harry, then."

"Same old Harry."

"So when's this get-together road trip? And for how long?"

"It's in two weeks, for two weeks, and it starts at LAX."

"I'll see what I can do. Oh, shit, I've got to deal with a wedding cake order. Call you later?"

"Yeah, go deal with your cake. Save me a slice!"

* * *

 

 _You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2_.

"Your voicemail recording gets more and more soulless every time I hear it, Louis. I can't believe you used the fill-in-the-blank automatic one. It's Niall Horan, by the way. Listen. Me and the lads...we're planning a get together. We'll be going on a road trip, from LA to New York, and then we're heading over to Europe for a bit. We're leaving two weeks from today, and it's an open invitation--you can join us anytime. If you'd rather not, no hard feelings, but Louis... we all miss you. Think about it? Anyways, you know how to reach me. And--congratulations on Mary Poppins. You'll do great."

* * *

 

**part ii: stories yet to unfold**

_don't forget, we've got unfinished business stories yet to unfold tales that must be retold and I regret not knowing when to put an end to all this madness_

* * *

 

"You're fucking kidding me, right?"

Niall bit back a laugh at the complete disbelief in Zayn's voice. "Dead serious."

"Where did you even find this thing?" Zayn set down his bag and ran a hand down the side of the violently orange Volkswagen T2 minibus. "How'd you get permission to use it? I'd have thought it'd be in a museum somewhere."

"It's not the exact same," Niall admitted, leaning against the campervan. "But the rental agency had a bunch of different vans--really?" he cut off at Zayn's surprised look. "Did you expect me to _buy_ a van for a two week trip? _Really_?"

Zayn laughed, rolling his eyes. "I'm just saying, it's the kind of thing you've done in the past."

"You're confusing me with Harry again. Anyways. The rental agency had a bunch of different vans and when I saw this one I half-died laughing and then couldn't resist. The guy at the desk thought I was a nut. But it's big enough for all of us, with three rows of bench seats, and the front, and trunk space too. _And_ it's got curtains."

"So basically you picked it for old time's sake?"

"A bit. Also because I might actually be able to shock Harry, and then we'll be even for the salt incident." Niall picked up Zayn's suitcase and swung it into the trunk beside his own. "Pick a seat, any seat."

Zayn chose a bench seat two rows behind the driver and set his bag down, noticing that Niall's backpack and a battered blue cooler were tucked underneath the first row of bench seats.

"So what time do Liam, Harry and Louis get in?"

"I don't think Louis' coming--" Niall started.

Zayn rolled his eyes. "Let me guess: Louis hasn't returned your calls, so you're assuming that was a 'no chance in hell, fuckers, I left you behind years ago' answer."

"Be nice, Zayn," Niall admonished--although he wasn't sure why Zayn still carried a grudge. He knew that Zayn and Louis had gotten into some pretty spectacular fights right before One Direction's breakup, but that had been years ago. "I'm sure he's just busy."

Zayn snorted. "We're _all_ busy, and yet we made time to answer phone calls."

"Zayn."

"Niall. He made his choice clear, or don't you remember that?" Zayn folded his arms and gave Niall the look that meant that conversation topic was over.

"I remember. But, anyways. Liam and Harry met up in Seattle--Harry was doing a location shoot and Liam was on vacation with Danielle in Victoria--and their flight gets in at three, I think? So we should get them from baggage at two-twenty, since they don't have to clear customs like you did."

"So what do we do for four hours?"

"Want to grab lunch? I'm sure there's an In'N'Out somewhere around here."

"Sounds good to me."

Five hours later, when Niall got the phone call that Liam and Harry had landed, he grabbed Zayn by the sleeve, dragging him out of the novelty store that Zayn had found and insisted they enter. It only sold peanuts, albeit in various forms: real, fake, candied, printed on t-shirts and even stitched into children's toys.

Zayn, for whatever reason, had been absolutely enthralled. Niall had mostly tried not to be too creeped out.

They found Liam first, wrestling a bag off the luggage carousel, muttering darkly under his breath. Niall was taken aback; it wasn't like Liam to swear just over a suitcase.

Then they found Harry.

Suddenly, Liam's mood was explained. Harry was very clearly not happy with Liam; Niall vaguely wondered if Harry was still upset about everything that had gone down four years ago and shook it off. Harry could hold a grudge, but four years worth? Not even he could do that.

Except Harry's glares suggested otherwise, as did the way Liam continued to swear under his breath.

Niall started to worry. If Harry and Liam couldn't handle a four hour flight with each other, how were they going to deal with two weeks? This could possibly end in murder and he would honestly rather avoid that if at all possible.

But when Zayn pulled Harry into a hug and shot a wary smile at Liam, Niall could suddenly breathe again. He started up a rapid conversation about LA traffic and talked loudly about the peanut store Zayn had found, and that worked enough to calm everyone's nerves so they could pick up their things and find the van.

But once everyone had tossed their bags into the boot and claimed seats, they all stood awkwardly and stared at each other in the airport parking garage, no one sure what to say.

Niall examined each of his friends and noted the differences and similarities--and it was pretty easy to see what was different. They'd all changed in the four years since they'd last been together, and there was still tension between Liam, Harry, and Zayn over sides taken during the split. Overall though, Niall thought it rather felt like coming home.

Harry's hair was shorter now and he was wearing thick black-rimmed glasses; Zayn had expanded his tattoos into complete sleeves and wore his hair out of his quiff, flecked with grey--apparently it was a family trait, going grey early. Liam had grown his hair out into a style more reminiscent of their X-Factor days, and Niall had reverted back to brown hair.

Harry was holding a video camera, filming as much as possible: the van, their bags, the four of them. When Niall asked why, Harry just shrugged.

"I thought it'd be cool, since I'm pretty sure none of us have any home videos from the past, what, eight years? It was always random strangers with cameras following us around. It'll be fun."

Niall accepted that answer and grinned brightly "So, where to first?" No one responded for a long moment, the only sounds those of LA traffic and a bustling airport. "We could do the LA touristy stuff?"

"San Francisco," Liam said decisively. "I want to see the Golden Gate Bridge. Be nice to see the city without being mobbed by fans or surrounded by security."

"Speaking of," Zayn said, shuffling to lean against the van. "You and Harry are still pretty famous in the States. Is it safe for you to be wandering around sans security?"

Liam grinned and patted his hair. "I was considering going blond for awhile. Plus, as far as the public is concerned, I'm in Victoria, writing songs for my next album. If I wear sunglasses a lot, dye my hair, and hang out with you, no one's going to suspect it's me." He turned to Harry, who smiled widely.

"And I can wear hats, and my fan base is usually too 'cool' to ask for an autograph," Harry said, making air quotes with one hand, balancing his camera with the other. "Or at the very least, they won't believe it's me if I wear different clothes and insist I'm not Harry Styles. Plus there's actually a guy who looks like me and lives here in the US. If I fake an American accent, I'll get by."

"That's settled then! All aboard?" Niall said, bouncing. "Onward ho!"

The first three hours in the van were filled with chatter. Niall drove, Liam had snagged the front seat and Harry and Zayn were comfortably sprawled out in the back. They talked about where they'd been, what they'd done in the past four years, catching up on each other's lives. There was one moment where Niall was almost sure Harry and Zayn were going to yell at Liam, but it was thankfully averted by one of Liam's songs coming on the radio.

"Urg, no." Niall said, rolling his eyes. "Liam, I love you, but I don't fucking need to hear your music when I can hear your voice right now. Could you change it?"

"Yeah, sure," Liam spun the dial and they landed on a classical music station, some vaguely familiar but unrecognizable string quartet piece floating through the speakers. "Let's make it into a game," he suggested. "Veto on anything about us. Every time one of us comes up--so let's see, that'd be...a song from either Harry's or my albums, a song Niall helped write and/or produce, or...I dunno, something one of Zayn's contestants performed? Whatever. When one of us comes up, we've got to...do a dare? Tell a stupid story? Sing along?"

"I'm in," Niall said cheerfully. "Of course, I've got like three times as much as the rest of you, so I'll share with Zayn."

"So much love, Horan," Zayn grumbled, but his eyes were bright and he seemed agreeable enough. Harry was more hesitant--he seemed disinclined to agree with anything suggested by Liam--but after cajoling from Zayn and Niall, he agreed.

Liam spun the dial again and they listened to Rihanna's latest hit without conversation. They sat through an interview with one of the newest pop stars on the scene, and then the first single off of Harry's most recent album began playing.

" _Dammit!_ " Harry swore, although he didn't set down his camera. He glared at either Liam or the radio; they were both in the same general area so it was difficult to tell.

"Zayn, keep score," Niall instructed gleefully. "Harry, one, everyone else, zero." Zayn dutifully made a note on his phone. "Okay, Harry. What'll it be--sing along, story, or dare?"

"That's a Top 40 station," Harry said, obviously confused  and irritated enough to ignore Niall's question. "What's a song by _Skyscraper Love_ doing on there?"

"It's a good song," Zayn countered. "I keep hearing it in the cafe, and my contestant wanted to cover it last season."

"But _Top 40._ " Harry winced. "I finally got away from mainstream."

"Harry, I hate to break it to you, but you're an internationally famous popstar," Niall said dryly, signaling and smoothly merging lanes. "You're in Teen Wolf, which has managed to become one of the iconic TV shows of our generation. Sort of like FRIENDS was for the generation before us. It doesn't matter what genre of music you play, it's going to end up on a Top 40 station."

Harry opened his mouth to protest but Liam cut him off. "Sing along, story, or dare?"

"Story, I guess." Zayn gestured for Harry's camera and Harry handed it over, quickly explaining the zoom and record buttons. "So. You all know how Paul is the head of my security team now?"

Everyone nodded in acknowledgement as Liam turned the volume on the radio down.

"Anyways, I managed to convince Paul to let our band go buy some Nerf guns and a couple extra packs of ammo. And then we invaded Cher's set when we were both playing that festival a few months back? Olly was there too."

"Oh, I remember that!" Zayn cut in. "Olly kept telling me about it for weeks afterwards."

"Don't ruin the ending for those who haven't heard it yet," Harry snapped, but he was grinning. "So we invaded Cher's set, but she'd been warned of the attack in advance--Paul later admitted it was him, traitorous security man--and fought us off with a light-up Star Wars light saber."

The car was silent for a moment before Niall burst out laughing, and suddenly all of them were cracking up.

"And the triplets?" Liam managed through his laughter.

"Waiting in the wings in Clone Trooper helmets. We never stood a chance. Death by cute Storm Troopers."

Somehow, Harry's story broke the tension in the car. Niall wasn't entirely sure why they were fighting--he was pretty sure it was leftovers from when the band had split; Zayn had taken Harry's side, Liam Louis', and Niall had tried to remain impartial. It was nice to see that everyone was trying to mend the cracks now, even if it was four years too late.

They fell into easy conversation after that, retreating to safe topics that no one could argue with--old mutual friends, fun memories that hadn't yet been ruined, a new movie, and more song challenges.

A song Niall had written came up not fifteen minutes later and he was forced to sing along as he drove. That usually wouldn't be embarrassing, but considering that the song had been written for soprano and was about how a girl loved a boy--that made it a fair bit more awkward. Niall didn't let that get to him and simply belted along, his voice cracking as he tried to reach the higher notes.

Harry gleefully videotaped the whole thing before Zayn begged stories about Paul and his family off of Liam.

They switched drivers after three hours, when Niall began complaining of pins and needles in his legs. Harry took over driving, while Zayn moved to the front seat, taking over Harry's camera yet again. Niall and Liam gratefully swapped places, Niall in the bench seat immediately behind the passenger seat and Liam a row behind him.

Zayn leaned back in his seat, his head nearly in Niall's lap. "So no one knows anything about Louis anymore?" Niall asked absently.

Zayn gave Niall a look that spoke volumes. "He won't answer our _phone calls_ , Nialler. I don't think he even knows about any of _us_ anymore."

"He's on Broadway," Liam offered. They all pretended not to notice how Harry's hands tightened on the steering wheel and how he remained quiet on the subject. "I think he's playing Bert in Mary Poppins."

"Good for him," Harry said softly. "So maybe he was just too busy to come this week."

Liam opened his mouth as if to say something, but a glare from Zayn shut him up completely. The tension that had managed to vanish in the previous few hours was back with a vengeance.

"His loss," Zayn said airily, clearly aiming for nonchalant but failing. "If he decided he was too busy to come, well then. His problem."

Niall sighed. He hoped the tension cleared up soon, or else this roadtrip was just going to be uncomfortable. "Hey, Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Put the radio back on, will you?"

When the song Harry switched to was one of his own, he groaned and decided to tell a story.

* * *

 

**part iii: it don't break even**

_they say bad things happen for a reason but no wise word's gonna stop the bleeding_ _he's moved on while I'm still grieving cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even_

* * *

 

 _You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2_.

"Louis? It's Harry. I know I'm probably the last person in the world you want to hear, but... just because you're mad at me, don't take it out on the other lads. They really miss you, and... I don't want to be the reason everything's all fucked up between you and them. I'll even split the road trip with you--we don't have to be on the same part. Just... think about it, okay? I love you. I always have, always will."

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"Louis, you're being a bit of a dick. Whatever happened between you and Harry, it's messing with everyone else, and I'd like to have my friends back. Just because you and Harry had a thing that didn't work out doesn't mean you can't still be friends with the rest of us. In case you aren't aware, that wasn't a divorce and Harry didn't get custody of us. Seriously. Call us or I'll track you down at your little Broadway show and explain to you firsthand. Just because you're pissed at Harry doesn't mean you should take it out on the rest of us. Zayn Malik, by the way. In case you couldn't tell."

* * *

 

 _You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep_.

"Niall...it's Louis. Um. Could you tell Zayn and Harry to fuck off? I'm not going on this stupid road trip, and I'd really appreciate never hearing from them ever again."

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"Niall Horan speaking. Oh, look, you're actually alive. We weren't sure. I'll tell Zayn and Harry to stop but, Jesus Christ, Louis. Grow up. The rest of us did. We're not teenagers anymore. Stop acting like we are."

* * *

 

  **part iv: put all the past behind me**

_going on my way packing up today i can't live a life with this way of thinking cause I know what's right i’m gonna leave tonight and put all the past behind me_

* * *

 

"Hey, pull over," Zayn said suddenly. Harry blinked in surprise but obliged. From the back, Liam made a questioning noise, pulling off his headphones.

"If you need a bathroom break, we _just_ passed a rest stop. You don't have to pee on the side of the road--" Harry began.

"No. Although, speaking of. Yeah, can we go back there? Like. Soon?" Harry started to pull back into the lane in order to turn around but Zayn stopped him. "Not now. But. Just look--doesn't this place look familiar to you?"

Harry turned and broke out in a wide grin. "Yeah!"

"Wuzgoinon?" Niall slurred from his seat, his accent thickened with sleep. "Whwesto?"

"Focus on waking up, Niall," Liam said gently. "Although I do agree with him. Where are we and what's going on?"

"No' wha I ask," Niall mumbled and struggled into an upright position, gathering his blanket around him. "Ho' long was I sleepin'?"

"You've been out for about an hour," Harry said. "You passed like ten minutes after we switched drivers. Even _Zayn_ doesn't fall asleep that fast."

"I take offense at that!" Zayn protested.

"It's not my fault! I was up since five this morning! I couldn't sleep!" Niall defended.

"You're telling me you got nervous about a road trip?"

"You try driving for eight hours straight and see how awake you are!"

Liam sighed loudly, interrupting their bickering. "Harry, where are we?"

"We're at the beach where we filmed What Makes You Beautiful!" Harry said gleefully, forgetting to be mad at Liam. "Remember how fucking freezing the water was?" he asked as they scrambled out of the van.

"Jesus _yes_ ," Niall mumbled, finally regaining something resembling consciousness and barely managing not to trip as they picked their way down the slope. "Thought my nuts were going to fall off."

"I mostly remember being embarrassed," Liam admitted. "It was weird, singing to the cameras."

"And the cameramen!" Zayn added. "They definitely didn't make things easier."

"I'm pretty sure Paul paid them to do that," Niall said. Everyone stopped as they considered the implications of that.

"But the _eyebrows_ ," Liam said, in a pained tone. "I was half certain Camera A was going to kidnap one of us and do scary painful things."

"I was more scared of being molested, but okay," Harry said. "But _Paul_? Are we sure it wasn't Simon?"

"Or Paul on orders from Simon?" Zayn shrugged and reached for his lighter, flicking it open and closed.

"Probably true," Harry said, still filming the beach. "Hey, anyone want to reenact a few scenes? Make an 'Eight Years After' remake video?"

"We're missing Louis," Zayn said quietly, saying what no one else wanted to. "It'll be a bit difficult. And the girls, too."

"Spoilsports, all of you. We'll make a better one," Harry insisted, pointedly ignoring the comment about Louis. "Can we have a bonfire, at least?"

Everyone agreed to that.

"Okay, seriously, Niall. What even are we doing here? Like. Really," Zayn asked, tossing a log onto their makeshift bonfire. The fire itself was actually pretty small but it was bright, casting a circle of light onto the beach. The sun had just begun to set, a half-circle on the horizon. "Because I really don't buy into that whole 'just catching up' deal."

Niall shrugged. "I was getting--I can't think of a good word, but-- _itchy_ , in LA. I mean, we did this whole... _everything_ <i/> together for four years, and then nothing at all. I know we'll never go back to how we were, but. I missed you. Is that a valid reason?"

"Sort of like the bungalow, yeah?" Harry said. He stared into the fire, his camera forgotten on the log beside him. "We all grounded each other, and you've got to admit, none of us have been particularly grounded recently."

"We'll, we're here, we've got two weeks..." Liam smiled and leaned back onto his elbows, grinning wider when Harry offered a half-smile of his own. "We can try to be friends again, can't we?"

"Cheers to that," Zayn said, finally relaxing into a real smile. "So if we're doing this to reconnect and forget about the outside world, I guess we should have a no phones rule?"

Harry hummed agreement and everyone switched off their phones.

Niall sat up. "Okay, before we go any further, let's just get everything out in the open so we don't have to deal with anyone pushing anyone else off cliffs." He punctuated this with a glare at Zayn.

"That was one time, it was an accident, and the cliff wasn't even a meter tall! He didn't even get a bruise!"

"I feel like I missed something," Liam said. Harry glared at Liam but nodded in agreement.

"Yeah, you did," Niall said brightly, while Zayn grumbled.

"There was a company picnic and I might have gotten into a disagreement with Olly. He's fine!" Zayn hastened to assure everyone else. "It was more of a friendly shove, anyways. I forgot there was a cliff and Olly fell. S'why there's not any more Syco company picnics where Olly and I are both invited."

"Okay then," Harry said, blinking. "What did you mean about getting everything out in the open?"

"I mean, I'm not spending two weeks in a van while you send dagger glares at Liam because someone will end up dead, and it will not be me," Niall said bluntly. "And Zayn, just because you're being more subtle doesn't mean I don't notice it."

Zayn and Harry both tried to argue but were promptly shut up by an earsplitting whistle from Liam. "Just let Niall talk. If you remember, he's what held us together that last year. Show some respect."

"See, that's exactly why--" Harry began, and Niall cuffed him upside the head.

"Alright, Harry, you're up first. Why, exactly, are you not talking to Liam?"

Harry folded his arms and slouched into a sulk. "You know why."

"No, I don't, otherwise I wouldn't be asking," Niall informed him. "Try again."

"He's still friends with Louis."

Liam rolled his eyes. "Actually, I'm not. He stopped answering my calls three years ago. I've sent him birthday cards and they've all been returned unopened--just like someone else I could name?" he glared at Harry, and it was truly an odd look to see on Liam's face, considering Liam rarely ever glared.

Harry at least had the grace to look embarrassed.

"Okay, Zayn, air your grievance."

"'Air your grievance'?" Zayn said, raising an eyebrow.

Niall blushed. "Been watching period dramas with Annab--never mind. It's embarrassing.  What's your problem?"

"Same as Harry."

Niall gave Zayn a skeptical look. "Did I miss something between you and Louis?"

"What?"

"Harry's pissed because Liam sided with his ex-boyfriend in their split. As far as I know, you never dated Louis and therefore have no right to pull the righteous anger card. Stop it. Liam, you're up."

"I'm not mad at anyone." Harry scoffed at Liam's statement. "No, really, I'm not!" Liam shrugged. "I'm annoyed, sure, especially because everyone seems to be mad at me and I don't know why and it's a little frustrating, but I'm not mad at anyone."

Niall nodded in satisfaction. "Okay, my turn. I'm pissed that you're all acting like five year olds, because we're all in our twenties and we're perfectly capable of being friends with our friends."

"Who said we were friends?" Harry countered.

"Um, me." The look on Niall's face dared anyone to argue with him. "We are going to go on this roadtrip, and we're going to have fun and we're all going to get along, damnit. Now are we all going to shake hands and get along or am I going to have to dig my ukulele out of the boot so I can sing Hakuna Matata over and over until you all get it?"

Harry and Liam shook hands.

They stayed for an hour, singing along to songs Niall played on his guitar, tossing rocks and bits of kindling into the fire until it finally died out.

"I'll drive," Zayn offered when they returned to the van, and took the keys from Niall. "I want to see how this thing handles." Niall raised an eyebrow and tapped his foot until Zayn blushed. "Okay, fine. Can we have a bathroom stop first?"

* * *

 

**part v: the novelty is wearing thin**

_and this phone tag game is endless the novelty is wearing i'm hoping time will pass without any assistance or convincing_

* * *

 

 _Hi, you've reached Harry Styles. I'm not taking any calls at the moment, so leave a message only if it's important_.

"Harry, wherever you are, you need to get back here. You have a taping and if this is your idea of a joke, it's not funny. We know you flew to LAX, so why aren't you at the studio? At least call."

* * *

 

_This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!_

"Hi, Mum. Could you tell my management I'm fine and I know what I'm doing? I'm not calling them, I'll get a bollocking. But I'm safe, I'm with the lads. Like... I'm with Liam, and Zayn, and Niall. I'm fine. I'm better than I've been in years, actually. I love you. That's not for Management. That's for you, and Gemma. Um. Bye."

* * *

 

 _You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2_.

"...I miss you so much, Louis."

* * *

 

_Hi, you've reached Harry Styles. I'm not taking any calls at the moment, so leave a message only if it's important._

"Harry! Why aren't you picking up your phone? You might ignore everyone else, but you can't ignore me, that's just plain not fair! I mean, it's me, Cher! Your best girl friend? No loyalty, Styles. Don't worry, I love you anyways. But I'm playing the festival in Seattle this weekend, and the big news here is that you dropped out? What's going on with you, Harry? You're not in rehab, are you? Granted, a leave of absence might get you back to where you were before the whole...well, you can never be too sure who's listening to voicemails, but--"

* * *

 

 _Hi, you've reached Harry Styles. I'm not taking any calls at the moment, so leave a message only if it's important_.

"Me again! It cut off, so I have to start again. Anyways, wherever you are, gimme a ring, it's not fair to worry all of us like that! Let me know when you're coming back too, so we can set up a lunch date. The triplets want to see their godfather! Plus, I've got news you probably want to hear in person, not through a voicemail. Love you!"

* * *

_You've reached Liam Payne's mobile phone. I'm sorry I missed your call, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is Danielle, I love you. If this is the reporter from GossipRave calling again, don't even bother leaving a message. If this is Zayn's ex-wife, we've been over this. If this is anyone else, leave a message at the beep_.

"Hey Liam, it's Danielle. I know you just left on your big trip, but don't forget to take lots of photos for me, and send postcards! Love you, come home soon!"

* * *

 

**part vi: to tell you the truth**

_to tell you the truth i miss everything everything it's a wide wide beautiful world but there's a wide eyed girl back there and she means everything_

* * *

 

Rather than sleeping in the van, they found a decent looking motel just outside of San Francisco and rented two rooms. After a swift discussion (no one wanted to bunk with Niall, who _still_  refused to admit that he snored), Zayn and Niall piled into one room while Liam and Harry claimed the other. They all had the money to stay in nicer hotels (or get their own rooms), but there was an unspoken agreement that if they were going to do this, they were going to do it right.

Of course, Niall wasn't entirely sure letting Liam and Harry bunk together wouldn't end in someone's murder, but at least they were making an effort.

"So, we're going to do San Francisco," Harry said, sitting cross-legged on Niall's bed and flicking through his phone. "Where next?"

"Phone off," Liam said, entering the room and unfolding a map onto the empty bed. "We agreed no tech, right?"

"Just texting my mum, letting her know I haven't died yet," Harry said, but grudgingly obliged. "Might happen with Niall's driving, who knows."

"Cheeky," Niall remarked, rolling his eyes. "Alright. So we started out here--" he tapped LA on the map. "--and we've got to end up here." He drew a red circle around New York. "Anyone have anything against Disney?"

"We're not driving back to LA," Zayn said as he emerged from the bathroom, looking faintly relieved. "Absolutely not. LA traffic is murder, and it will result in _your_ murder if we have to go back there."

"You weren't even driving," protested Niall. "But I meant Florida. Anyways, San Francisco to Vegas,--we all want to hit Vegas, right?" Everyone expressed agreement. Zayn sat on the bed next to Harry, propping his head on Harry's shoulder.

Liam tapped the map. "So we go Vegas, then wind down towards Florida? Make a stop at Graceland, pay tribute to a musician before us? Harry, you can even film it and put it on YouTube."

Harry snorted and feigned disinterest but he wasn't fooling anyone. Niall looked between Liam and Harry, sensing that Harry was being more than a little passive aggressive. Harry was probably just tired. "As long as we stop somewhere with some truly terrible American diner food."

"Deal." Niall grinned, showing teeth. "And Sweet Tea!"

"You are not British, that is not tea, that is sugar water." Zayn wrinkled his nose and stuck his tongue out.

"It's delicious, is what it is," Niall countered. "Just because you--"

"Okay!" Liam interrupted, throwing his hands up. "Moving on! We could take Route 66. That's historic and touristy, isn't it?"

"I think so. We could stop by DC," Zayn offered.

"There's supposedly a living history town or something we never got to go see," Harry chipped in. At some point, he'd dug his camera out of his bag and was filming the discussion, complete with shots of the map. "Somewhere in Virginia. Want to go be British invaders?"

"I'm in," Niall said cheerfully. "I'll be an Irish invader, of course. Wait, does that mean I side with the Yankees?"

Everyone paused to consider it. "I don't think so?" Liam finally said.

"So. We hit San Francisco tomorrow, then follow Route 66--stop at Graceland, go to Disney World, drive up the East Coast--stop at a beach somewhere?" Everyone nodded agreement as Zayn ticked off each point on his fingers. "Then DC? After DC or the living history town, we work our way up to New York, maybe ambush Louis, and then from New York--"

"Go back home."

Niall blinked; Harry turned his camera to film Niall's face. "I was hoping we'd get to visit Zayn's cafe in London, see our families and all, but okay."

Liam made a face. "God, I wish.  But I could only wrangle two weeks from when I arrived at LAX. Tour stuff and all."

"So don't go back on time," Harry suggested. "S'what I did?"

"You what?!" Three different voices asked incredulously.

"I may have... gone temporarily AWOL," the brunet said, shrugging sheepishly and setting his video camera on the nightstand where it could see all of them. "But I wanted to see everyone and my band's on a break right now, so I could film, and I got everything crucial done and all I was going to be doing with this week was standing in the background of scenes so I just got on a plane and left? I have next week off officially, though."

"Harry!" Liam was very clearly disappointed in his former bandmate, something Harry very obviously didn't appreciate. "Why?"

Harry shrugged, scooting further away from Liam. "I missed my old friends, even if I sort of hate one-fourth of the people in this room? I just. There was a chance of seeing Louis and... well, I miss him. A lot. I just need to get closure, is all."

"Okay, new topic," Niall said, sensing that any more on this particular conversation would end in Harry crying and to be honest, he wasn't nearly drunk enough to deal with that. Actually, there wasn't enough alcohol in the world to deal with a crying Harry. Niall unfortunately knew this from experience.  "Liam, what's new with you?"

Liam shrugged. "Danielle and I got married," he said quietly, fiddling with a ring on his left hand that Niall hadn't noticed before.

The room exploded in noise, Zayn incredulous, Harry confused, and Niall furious.

"And you didn't tell us?!" Niall yelled. " _Jesus Christ_ , Liam!"

"You're married?" Harry blinked. "When did that happen?"

"Liam _what the fuck_ , man?" Zayn roared, nearly falling off the bed and almost taking Harry with him.

Liam sort of flinched away from the noise. "I mean. I wanted you there?"

"So why didn't you invite us?" Niall huffed angrily. " _Jesus fucking Christ_. You could have sent an email, or a text, or I dunno, _picked up the phone and called us?_ "

"In case you haven't noticed, no one knows yet," Liam pointed out, recovering from his initial shock at the reaction. "It's not really a public thing--people still think we're dating. Trust me, if I was going to invite more than three people to my wedding, you would all be at the top of the list."

Harry leaned forward. "So why didn't you tell us?" He was still filming, for whatever reason.

"It was sort of a spur of the moment thing, actually. And if any of this ends up in your video diary I will personally make sure you are miserable for the rest of your life."

Harry nodded solemnly. "It won't go in. I just want a record, s'all."

Liam glared at Harry until Zayn elbowed him.

"Okay, well... Danielle and I decided we were just going to do it last year. I mean, we'd been together for seven years. We thought it was long enough to get married--and it ended up just being me, Danielle, and two of Danielle's students as witnesses. So really, there's only five people in the world--plus you lot--that know about it. Our _parents_ don't even know."

Niall still looked annoyed, but he looked more confused now. "Wait. Why don't they know?"

Liam sighed. "Okay. Harry, camera off. No recordings of this, anywhere." He waited until Harry switched off the camera and handed it over to him for good measure. "Danielle... Danielle can't have kids, and we're trying to adopt. But we can't adopt unless we're married--some weird international adoption law that wants to ensure stable homes, I guess--so we got married really quietly so we can start the paperwork and such. We're going to have a big wedding and all in a year or so--you're all invited--but we, we just want _kids_."

"You still should have told us," Zayn said, but his eyes were soft. Once upon a time, he'd wanted kids desperately too. He didn't seem as angry with Liam as he'd been earlier--perhaps knowing one of the reasons behind Liam's distance helped.

"In case you haven't noticed, we're not exactly friends anymore," Liam pointed out. "I hadn't even talked to any of you except Niall since the band split. I was pretty sure that you two--" he gestured to Zayn and Harry "--still hated me until Niall phoned and said we were all doing a road trip. And as for Louis...well, we only talked for about a year, and only about as much as I ever talk with Olly. Not much at all, just a 'hey, how are you?' sort of thing."

"We'd still have liked to know," Harry said softly. "I don't think any of us actually hated you. I was just pissed you picked--" he cut off, looking down. "Well. You know. But that's ancient history now."

"So none of you have kept anything from everyone else?" Liam asked, trying to steer the conversation away from himself. "I know I'm not the only one guilty of keeping secrets."

"I have a girlfriend," Niall said, shrugging. "I'm not nearly as high profile as any of you, no one's really interested in my girlfriends and whatnot, but... yeah, I've got a girlfriend. Her name's Annabelle, she's from Arizona, and I don't think we're going to last past six or seven months. But she's fun to be around and I like her." He grinned. "I haven't quite moved into the serious relationship phase of my life. Free spirit and all that."

"I'm dating again," Zayn volunteered, staring out the window. "It's only been a week or two, and we'll be having a long chat after I get back, plus it's more of a friends-with-benefits thing, but... I mean, if we're going around talking about what's changed in our lives, that's what's changed for me."

"Shit, are you sure? I mean... after _Taylor_." Harry looked vaguely worried--as they all did. He was fiddling with his camera, which he'd apparently flicked back on.

Zayn exhaled, fingers scrabbling for his packet of cigarettes. "Can we just agree that marrying Taylor Swift was a bad idea and move on?" He reluctantly put his fags away when Liam's pointed glare reminded him that they were in a nonsmoking room. "There's already a whole album out there dedicated to it and I have to hear it just about every day at work; I do _not_ need it from you lot as well." He sighed. "She's nice, she makes me happy. I think we're the type of friends who have to try to become something else before becoming actual friends."

"Who are you dating, then?" Liam asked.

Zayn shook his head. "You wouldn't know her, she's not famous at all."

"A name, though."

"Nicole Carter. Her older sister Rosie works in my bakery."

"Wait, Rosie Carter. The she-Cowell? You're dating the sister of the she-Cowell?" Niall said incredulously, jaw dropping. "Whoa."

"She-Cowell?" Harry asked in confusion.

"If Simon Cowell was a woman, had red hair, ran a bakery and barely topped five-six, he would be Rosie Carter," Niall explained, still gaping at Zayn. "And apparently, our Zayn is dating her baby sister. How, exactly, is dating the sister of the she-Cowell better than Taylor?"

"She's yet to write a song about our sex life," Zayn snipped. "I dunno. I just like her. I mean. Not like I'm-going-to-marry-her-and-be-in-love-forever, you know? Sort of like Niall's girlfriend, except I'm getting over a mistake. Cos. You know. Marrying Taylor was a mistake. Like. The biggest mistake of my life. I was trying not to focus on feelings I had for someone else, and... well, look how that turned out."

"A triple platinum record, framed divorce paperwork and a restraining order?" Harry looked vaguely amused.

Zayn snorted and flicked his lighter open and closed. "I don't _actually_ have a restraining order on her. That is a tabloid rumor."

"Damnit," Niall swore. "No restraining order groupon, then?"

Liam burst out laughing while the others gave him weird looks. Niall shook his head and refused to clarify, letting Liam explain why, exactly, that was funny.

Zayn dating again was a scary thing--he and Taylor Swift had begun dating when he was twenty and she twenty-three and it had gotten rather serious rather fast. They'd gotten married within six months of knowing each other--and divorced six months after that. While Zayn had managed to move on, Taylor apparently hadn't gotten the message that they were actually entirely over (there was a reason most people assumed Zayn had taken out a restraining order on her) and continued to try to get in touch.

Liam, on the other hand... it was surprisingly easy to picture him as married. Maybe it was because he and Danielle complimented each other so well, and always had. The fact that he hadn't invited any of them was a little more hurtful, but then again, _no one_ knew about it until he told them, so that was probably a mark in the "Liam-is-still-really-fucking-good-at-keeping-his-personal-life-out-of-the-tabloids" column. Especially since Danielle's inability to have children and the adoption procedures hadn't even been a whisper. Niall was really impressed with Liam and wondered if Liam had ever considered going into PR.

Harry...Niall wasn't really sure. There were parts of him that seemed older and wiser, but he still seemed like the carefree baby of the band. Niall wasn't really surprised that Harry wasn't over Louis yet; Harry and Louis' romance had always seemed more like serious-forever love than two teenagers getting off. And yet it had absolutely fallen apart, leaving Harry struggling to deal with it.

As for Niall himself, it was strange to think that these boys weren't a) the people he remembered or b) boys anymore.

San Francisco the next morning was an interesting experience. Niall and Harry got lost in Chinatown while Liam dragged Zayn out to see the Golden Gate Bridge. They all met up at Fisherman's Wharf for dinner, and they were all violently reminded of the sheer amount of food Niall could pack away.

"How the hell are you still hungry?" Harry demanded, staring as Niall wolfed down his bowl of soup. "Like. You were eating all the way through Chinatown. How are you still eating?"

"My metabolism _never_ ran down," Niall admitted. He grinned widely. "I don't think it's ever going to. Which is awesome."

Liam rolled his eyes and returned to quizzing Harry about Chinatown.

After dinner, while they were walking back to their hotel, they lost Niall in Ghirardelli square. Zayn was dispatched to fetch him, and when they returned, Niall was carrying a box the size of his torso and refusing to let anyone go near it.

"Nothing's really changed, has it?" Harry asked quietly, laughing as Niall stored the box in the back of the van and scribbled "NIALL'S, DO NOT TOUCH UPON PAIN OF DEATH AND DISEMBOWELMENT" in red sharpie.

"Not really," Liam agreed. "Did you expect us to be entirely different people?"

Harry looked sheepish. "A little?"

"Well, we're not. And I'm really not out to make your life miserable," Liam added. "I promise. I miss my friends, s'all."

Harry blinked and held out his hand. "Truce?"

"Truce. Let's just not bring up Louis if at all possible."

"Done deal." Harry grinned, his first real smile since embarking on the trip. "Hey, want to go mess with Niall's chocolate?"

Liam laughed. "Why the hell not?"

* * *

 

**part vii: silence is easy**

_silence is easy to say this is killing me...they turned out the streetlights before i could say goodbye guess i was a lost cause you still kept me alive_

* * *

 

 _Hello, this is Death. I'm not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you_.

"Harry, I swear your voicemail messages get worse and worse every time I call you. But anyways, it's Holland. Management and the director are all freaking out--maybe you should consider coming back sometime soon? Or at least let us know when you'll be back, because the script writing department is going to murder you. You're not dead, are you? If you are, that's really rude not to let anyone know where you were going. I'll start preparing a funeral for you! Hugs and kisses! Take care!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!_

"Dani! It's Liam! I guess you're teaching a class right now or out with Becky, but I just wanted to give you a heads up that I might have told the lads about us being married? Don't get mad, I just...I couldn't not tell them, it was sort of...I don't have an excuse. But you're probably going to get bombarded with phone calls and texts from them pretty soon. Just so you know."

* * *

 

 _You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep_!

"Danielle! You and Liam got married? What the hell, why didn't you tell us! Congrats, and good luck on the adoption process! Harry, by the way."

* * *

 

_You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!_

"It's Niall, and you fucking got married without telling me?! Where is the love and the trust, Peazer-Payne? I thought we had something special! We'll have to stop our affair now--No, Liam, stop, I was joking, no, don't you dare tickle me, Liam! Danielle, your husband is cruel!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!_

"Zayn speaking. So apparently you got married? Next time you get hitched in secret, let me know! I invited you to my secret wedding, you should have invited me to yours. I'm just joking, but seriously, we're all happy for you. I'm pretty sure Liam might be murdering Niall, though. Harry, don't get involv--"

* * *

 

_You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!_

"For the record, I didn't kill Niall. Harry's currently sitting on him. So. That might change soon. Love you!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"I'm seriously starting to wonder if you ever answer your phone, or if you have it permanently blocked or whatever, but I told the others and thought you should know--Danielle and I got married. We'll be doing a big fancy wedding in about a year or so, but we're legally married and I thought you deserved to know. We miss you, mate. It's not too late to come out and join us."

* * *

 

_You've reached Liam Payne's mobile phone. I'm sorry I missed your call, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is Danielle, I love you. If this is anyone else, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!_

"Liam, honey. I just got your message--and the rest of the lads, except Louis--and it's totally fine. I wanted you to invite them, remember? Or at least call them? But since you told them, I get to tell my dance group, okay? Prepare to be bombarded with texts and the like, as revenge. Love you lots!"

* * *

 

"Danielle Peazer speaking."

"Hi, it's Louis Tomlinson."

"Louis?!"

"Don't sound so surprised."

"Well, you haven't exactly talked to any of us in forever. What do you need, anyways?"

"Liam left me a message, said you got married. I wanted to say congratulations--you always suited each other so well. I'm glad it all worked out for you, especially after your breakup awhile back."

"Thanks. You know they all miss you, right?"

"Yeah, and that's why I didn't go."

"Louis..."

"What?"

"No offense, but why did you call _me_? Liam hasn't even got his phone on right now, I just left him a message."

"It's easier to go through another party."

"So you're using me."

"Pretty much? I mean. I'm not ignoring them entirely. But. I don't want to see them. So. I just wanted to say congratulations, and if you could tell Liam 'no chance in hell', that would be great."

"No chance in he--Hello? Louis fucking Tomlinson, you did _not_ just hang up on me. Fucking prick."

* * *

 

_You've reached Liam Payne's mobile phone. I'm sorry I missed your call, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is Danielle, I love you. If this is the reporter from GossipRave calling again, don't even bother leaving a message. If this is Zayn's ex-wife, we've been over this. If this is anyone else, leave a message at the beep._

"Liam, it's Danielle again. I just got a phone call from Louis, and it was honestly one of the weirdest conversations I've ever had. He said congratulations and then to tell you 'no chance in hell', but I have no idea what that could even mean. Care to explain?"

* * *

 

_You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!_

"It's Liam. I'm not supposed to be on my phone right now--the others are asleep--but I just told Louis it wasn't too late to come out and join us. I guess his answer is no. Um. Could you ask Zoe to stop calling me? She's going to use up all of my memory space. Thanks! I'll call you tomorrow evening, okay?"

* * *

 

_Hello, this is Death. I'm not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you._

"It's Tyler, callback number is 555-1923. Which you should already know. Seriously. Get your ass in gear and _call the fucking director before he has a stroke and dies slowly and painfully in the middle of the set_. We _like_ this one, remember? He's nicer than the last one. And set's not the same without you, man. I'm pretty sure Dylan is going to stage a revolt if you don't get back her soon."

* * *

 

 _You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2_.

"Hey Louis! Charlie here! We're still meeting at your place for coffee before dress rehearsal, right? If not...I'm coming over anyways! If yes, see you then!"

* * *

 

**part viii: stories taking us back**

_from coast to coast i'll make the most of every second I've been given with this crowd without a doubt you're all i dream about at night we lie awake with stories taking us back to the nights we felt alive_

* * *

 

"So I was thinking," Harry began.

"Always a dangerous pastime there," Liam teased from where he was driving. "You sure you want to continue, or do you want to just stop before someone gets hurt?" Harry rolled his eyes and turned the video camera onto Liam rather than the ungainly way Niall and Zayn were sprawled over each other and sleeping.

"We're going to Vegas, right?"

"Unless the plan was changed since I last looked, yes." Liam blinked. "And we might go to the Grand Canyon after that, if we can get Niall over the heights thing."

"We're going out drinking and bar hopping when we're in Vegas, right?"

Liam shrugged. "I still don't really drink, so if you and Zayn and Niall want to go out and do damage to your livers and kidneys and other internal organs, you're welcome to."

"Come on, you've got to come with us," Harry whined. "At least as a babysitter or something. It won't be fun if it's not all of us."

"Fine." Liam finally caved. "Alright, fine. We'll go. But we're doing a bunch of ridiculous tourist stuff first."

And that was how they came to be wandering around the M&M factory tour, rather than immediately going and getting drunk.

"Next, we're going to go do a scavenger hunt," Liam said cheerfully, following the tour guide. Niall was eyeing the various candies with an expression that could only be described as 'this is my new fetish' and the rest of them were valiantly trying to pretend that was an expression they weren't seeing. "Famous landmarks recreated here in Vegas."

"So basically the pyramids, the Eiffel tower and...what else is there?"

"I dunno. Why don't we split up and see who can get the most photos?" Zayn suggested, and promptly grabbed Niall, dragging him out of the M&M factory, despite the brunet's protests.

* * *

 

Harry and Liam teaming up was probably a bad idea. They'd gotten six photos each, for a total of twelve, before a girl let out an embarrassingly high pitched squeal and they were suddenly running through the crowded streets of Las Vegas, avoiding a fan mob.

"We should have split with Niall and Zayn," Liam panted, dragging Harry around a corner.

"Yeah, well, we didn't," Harry spat back, and then focused on his breathing. A block later, Liam turned sharply and pulled Harry into a touristy souvenir shop.

"What even are we doing in this place, we're going to get caught by the fan mob out there," Harry hissed.

Liam pulled a shirt off the rack. "We're going to look like the ultimate tourists. And I need to buy a postcard to send to Danielle anyways."

Harry looked at the shirt and groaned. "Why do I feel like we're going to regret this?"

* * *

 

"What the fuck are you _wearing_?" Zayn demanded when Harry and Liam returned to their hotel. "Holy shit."

Niall looked up from where he was scribbling down club and bar locations from his phone and promptly fell off the bed laughing. "What _happened_ to you? We were just going to take pictures of the landmarks! _Liam_!"

Liam shrugged, his face practically hidden by the gigantic hat he'd grabbed. The party sunglasses covered the parts of his face the hat didn't. He was wearing a massively oversized t-shirt that declared _'someone i love went to vegas and all they got me was this stupid t-shirt'_ and Harry's too-tight skinny jeans--a look that made him look incredibly stupid. Somehow, he'd managed to turn his hair a fairly bright green.

Harry, conversely, looked like someone had emptied an entire bottle of sunscreen onto his face and then wiped bare streaks under his eyes. He was also wearing an ' _i heart vegas_ ' singlet that looked like it was made for either very small children or female strippers, and had a giant tote bag over his shoulder. The pattern of the tote bag matched the shorts he'd very obviously bought here in Vegas, if the rhinestoning  on the ass declaring him " _Vegas' Sweetheart_ " was anything to go by. It also looked like he'd dumped glitter in his hair at some point, sprinkling glitter onto his sunscreen-facial as well.

"I figured if we looked crazy enough the fans wouldn't believe it was us," Liam said. "We went out, said we were Harry Styles and Liam Payne. They thought we were insane and walked away."

"It did work," Harry admitted, going into the bathroom and reappearing with a wad of toilet paper to scrub the sunscreen off his face with. "But I also got wolf-whistled at and asked what I was doing with ugly over there."

Zayn stared. "You have sunscreen _all over your face_."

"And Liam's got green hair. Apparently I make a hot girl?" Harry shrugged. "I dunno. I don't really have the arse to fill out these shorts." As if to prove his point, he turned and wiggled his butt in Zayn's direction. Niall, who had managed to get his laughter under control, erupted into a fresh burst of hyena-like cackles."Is my arse flat? My arse is flat, isn't it."

Zayn facepalmed. "I'm _not_ commenting on your arse. Not now, not ever."

"I think they were smashed, if that helps," Liam contributed. Niall laughed even harder.

"It's three in the afternoon!"

"It's _Las Vegas_."

"Fair point. So can _we_ go get smashed now?"

"Not until after dinner," Niall shouted, sitting up very suddenly. "We're going to the buffet that makes chocolate _everything_."

Harry looked vaguely interested; Zayn groaned; Liam just beamed, adjusted his hat, then leaned over to wipe sunscreen off of Harry's face and fling it onto Niall.

* * *

 

In retrospect, it probably was a bad idea to go clubbing in Vegas, and an even worse idea to try to match Niall because even _Liam_ was drunk at this point, and he'd only drink a third of what the rest of them had.

Harry blamed the fact that Niall was an unfairly coherent drunk and that Zayn was sobering up, because that meant it was really only Harry and Liam making fools of themselves. Well. Only Harry and Liam making fools of themselves after Zayn switched to water rather than shots.

"How have we not been papped?" Zayn muttered in disbelief, pulling Harry off a table. "I mean, you and Liam, you're the only ones still famous in America. Christ. But still."

"How--how're you not drunk?" Harry mumbled into Zayn's collarbone, deciding he wanted a cuddle instead of dancing, and Zayn didn't really mind when Harry stuck to him like a limpet anyways. He was pretty sure he remembered Zayn making some phone calls and slurring earlier, but he wasn't drunk now so how was he not?

Harry's head hurt when he tried to think, so he stopped.

"Trust me, I'm drunk," Zayn said. "I'm not going to remember _any_ of this in the morning. I just switched to water an hour ago so I'm sobering up. Niall, here, you take Tweedledrunk, and I'll go look for Tweedledrunker."

"D'ya mean Liam?" Harry slurred. "Cos he shouldn't be drinking. On'ly got one--one--what's the thingy that he's only got one of?"

"His kidney?" Niall asked in amusement, accepting Zayn's transference of Harry to his lap. He calmly petted Harry's sweaty curls as the younger man clung to him and mumbled about how Liam shouldn't be drinking. "It healed, remember? He can drink fine, like the rest of us."

Harry pouted. "Then he's not nearly drunk enough. Zayn!" he swayed from his spot on Niall's lap, and only Niall's arms around his waist stopped him from falling over. "Zayn! You should go fix that!"

Zayn sighed and patted Harry's head reassuringly. "I think Liam's just drunk enough. _You're_ a little too drunk."

"Am not!"

"Harry, you really are," Niall said, laughing as Harry's pout deepened and he petulantly returned to snuggling into Niall's shoulder. Niall's fast metabolism and high alcohol tolerance meant he was a bit closer to the hung-over end of the spectrum than everyone else, and that he wasn't nearly as drunk as the rest of them. "Zayn, just go find Liam."

Zayn saluted and wandered off into the depths of the bar to find his former bandmate.

He found Liam sitting with a group of girls, showing them pictures of Danielle on his phone. He seemed to be halfway through the story of how he and Danielle had met, which was actually a lot less stalkery than it seemed at first. The girls were cooing over Liam and his photos--one girl was even openly weeping and mumbling something about being 'forever alone'.

Zayn just stared. "Only you, Liam."

Then he fished his phone out of his back pocket and began filming it. 

* * *

 

**part ix: be any more obvious**

_i would've married you in vegas had you given me the chance to say i do couldn't make it any more obvious could you be any more obvious_

* * *

 

 _You've reached Liam Payne's mobile phone. I'm sorry I missed your call, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is Danielle, I love you. If this is the reporter from GossipRave calling again, don't even bother leaving a message. If this is Zayn's ex-wife, we've been over this. If this is anyone else, leave a message at the beep_.

"It's Taylor, hi! Zayn just called me, said he was with you, if he's in the US could you please tell him to meet me for coffee at some point? I mean, you don't have to but I want to see him and he called me first and we talked for awhile and I sort of got the feeling he wanted to talk? If you could just pass that message along that would be great! Um, thanks! And if you could change your voicemail that would also be great! Hugs and kisses!"

* * *

 

 _You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2_.

"Louis...Louis I miss you. Why didn't you come? Are you mad at me?" 

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"There are so many people here, you'd have fun, you like people, but you don't like us anymore. I don't know why you don't like us anymore because Zayn is lots and lots of fun and Niall knows the really good drinks and Liam is not so much fun but he's our friend and he's drinking and you should he here to tease him, because he never did that before."

* * *

 

 _You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2_.

"I LOST NIALL DO YOU KNOW WHERE HE IS?"

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"... fuck."

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"I'll leave if you want to see them. They all miss you. Maybe more than I do. Fuck, I'm drunk. I said I wasn't going to call you but I can't remember why. It was probably a stupid reason. Do you know what the reason was? Because I don't. Are you still mad about the thing? Cos I'm not. I don't think I ever was."

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"I'm sorry, whatever I did, I'm sorry."

* * *

 

 _Hi! Harry's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator. Please speak very slowly and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets_.

"Harry! I know you're not answering your phone right now--Gemma, by the way, but you should know that by the voice--but Alan took his first steps! Come and visit soon, he's getting so big and wants to see his uncle! Mum wants you to call by the way, she said something about you being lost in America? Don't forget to come home! Hugs and kisses! Take care of yourself! And change your voicemail message!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"Sorry about Harry, Louis. It's Niall, and I've confiscated his phone until he's sober again. Won't happen again!"

* * *

 

 _You've reached Liam Payne's mobile phone. I'm sorry I missed your call, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is Danielle, I love you. If this is the reporter from GossipRave calling again, don't even bother leaving a message. If this is Zayn's ex-wife, we've been over this. If this is anyone else, leave a message at the beep_.

"Hey Liam! Danielle here. I hope you're having fun on your road trip. The paps still haven't figured out you're gone--I told them you've been holed up writing your ass off and they seem to believe me. I miss you tons; the house is so empty without you. Flopsy and Cocoa say hello! They've been moping without you to take them for walks, and the girls at the studio all send their love! Love you lots, miss you loads, I'll try calling again Sunday evening, come home soon!"

* * *

 

**part x: we were right to carry on**

_maybe we were right to carry on to carry on even when they said we'd be undone take it as a sign we can still go on we still belong even when the worst is yet to come_

* * *

 

"So, Zayn," Liam said, sitting next to Zayn on the van's bumper. He rolled his eyes at Harry and Niall, ten meters away, as Niall teased Harry about his hangover and taunted him with coffee and a box of doughnuts.

"So, Liam," Zayn mimicked.

"Want to tell me why I had a drunken voicemail from you last night declaring your love for Harry?"

Zayn grimaced. "Oh, God."

"Yeah, 'oh, God' is right. You married _Taylor Swift_ to get over _Harry_?" Zayn's horrified expression said it all. Liam sighed and wrapped an arm around Zayn's shoulders. "Zayn, mate. That's not healthy. What about that girl you're dating, Nadine or whoever?"

"Nicolle." Zayn sighed, leaning onto Liam's shoulder. "Did my message cut off or something? Because I got over it a long time ago. But I'm over it now, thank god. That was a really fucking terrible year. I felt stupid and guilty and I'm over it now."

Across the parking lot, Harry gave a shriek when he realized Niall had his camera and was filming the whole thing. Liam rolled his eyes as Harry tried to figure out how to retrieve the camera but not spill Niall's tray of coffee. "You're over it now?"

"Yeah. Have been for a while. I mean... Harry was always Louis', yeah? And I'm not going to be anyone's rebound. It only really lasted a year or so, and I felt so embarrassed about it. And yeah, Taylor was a mistake, but... I mean. I guess the reason I called you and told you was because the four of us being together brought back old memories and shit, and I was tired of secrets. I'm not going to make excuses for drunk me. But... seriously, you have to admit, last night wasn't a lot different from the last few years of touring."

Liam laughed--either at what Zayn was saying or Harry failing to obtain the camera but succeeding at snagging the largest cup of coffee, Zayn wasn't sure. "Yeah, a bit," he said. "A lot less Harry and Louis sucking each other's faces off, more me drinking, but, yeah, I get where you're coming from." Liam looked at Zayn steadily. "You sure you're over it?"

"Dead sure." Zayn grimaced. "Thinking about it skeeves me out now. It was just something I had to go through , I guess. I have no idea what I was thinking then, but I know I got over it about the time Taylor and I split."

"Speaking of Taylor..."

"Oh, fuck _no_ ," Zayn whined. "Tell me I didn't..."

"Sorry, mate. Apparently right after you called me and right before you switched to water, you drunk dialed Taylor. And had a long chat, apparently, if the message I got is anything to go by."

Zayn winced and looked warily at his phone, which he hadn't turned on since the night before.

"Are you over _Taylor_?" Liam asked gently.

Zayn shrugged. "I think so? Less than I'm over Harry, at any rate. I genuinely liked Taylor, but we stopped working because I was focused on the lads and how we were all falling apart, you know? So... I dunno, maybe. But I like Nicolle, and I used to like Taylor, so maybe if we gave it a shot it'd work? But it didn't last time and I don't know if I'd be able to handle that fallout."

"And you told her this?"

"You'd know better than me, Li. I don't even remember calling her, much less what I might have said. Is she mad?"

Liam sighed. "Let me put it this way: if there aren't at least three songs on her next album about you, I will shave Harry's head and eat his curls for breakfast."

"You'll do what to my hair?" Harry asked in horror, triumphantly clutching a coffee cup the size of his head and a doughnut roughly the same size. He looked vaguely more human with his infusion of caffeine and sugar. "In other news, look at the size of my doughnut! Only in America!"

"Let me guess, you've already instagramed it," Zayn said dryly. Harry only rolled his eyes.

"Don't be ridiculous. Niall beat me to it." He took a bite of doughnut and washed it back with coffee, but he still winced when a car went by with music pounding out of the speakers at a ridiculously high volume. "Back to my hair. Liam, you're going to do _what_ to my hair?"

"Zayn drunk dialed his ex last night," Liam said, as if that made sense to anyone who hadn't been part of their previous conversation.

Niall, who'd followed Harry over, chortled and passed out coffee and doughnuts to Liam and Zayn. "Three-song minimum, right? That'll make, what, four albums about you, Zayn?"

Zayn rolled his eyes and bit into his doughnut, reasoning that if his mouth was full of sugar and pastry, he couldn't say anything truly insulting to Niall.

"I mean, there was the one where you were sickeningly in love--right after you got married, wasn't that the one that went double platinum?--and then the one after you split that went triple platinum, and then the fuck-you-I'm-doing-fine-without-you-but-if-you-want-to-come-back-my-door-is-still-open album that only went platinum, and now the ex-drunk-dialed-me-from-Vegas album that'll probably go at least double platinum." Niall probably would have ticked off each of the albums on his fingers if he wasn't too busy filming them all with Harry's camera.

Zayn finally swallowed his bite. "Just for that, I'm finding a metal station and setting it on full volume, then sticking you next to Harry."

"Don't you fucking dare--" Harry yelped at the same time as Liam glared and said "I will leave you by the side of the road if you do that so help me God I will."

Niall just laughed. "I'm driving," he informed them cheerfully. "Alright, everyone, in the van, people with hangovers can pass out in the back--"

"People with iron livers can fuck off," Harry countered, but climbed into the backseat and settled his coffee in a cup holder before drawing the curtains shut. A wide yawn crossed his face, causing his eyes to scrunch up behind his sunglasses. "Let's cross this way too fucking large to be reasonable country, people."

"Can we do an all-nighter?" Liam suggested. "Sleep in the car, take shifts driving? That way we'll get there faster and we don't have to worry about finding motels and stuff."

"I'm game," Zayn said, crawling into the seat in behind Harry and sprawling out. "But I'm not driving for at least three hours." Everyone looked at Harry, but he was already asleep, despite having downed enough coffee to keep even Zayn awake for at least five hours.

"You and me in the front seat then," Niall said, turning to Liam. "Unless you want to sleep too?"

"No, I'm good," Liam replied and slid the van's side door shut. Niall climbed into the front seat and waited for Liam to get settled before he turned the blinkers on and made to pull out of the parking lot when--

"Wait, can we go to the bathroom first?"

"Really, Zayn? _Really_?"

  

 

 

* * *

 

**part xi: phone tag game**

_and this phone tag game is endless the novelty is wearing i'm hoping time will pass without any assistance or convincing_

* * *

 

_Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know how you are and what you want so at the sound of the tone, please hang up._

"Harry, this really isn't funny anymore. Call us. Now."

* * *

 

_Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know how you are and what you want so at the sound of the tone, please hang up._

"Harry, why are we fielding rumors that you're in Vegas?"

* * *

 

_Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know how you are and what you want so at the sound of the tone, please hang up._

"Harry, answer your phone."                                             

* * *

 

_Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know how you are and what you want so at the sound of the tone, please hang up._

"Harry, there's going to be legal problems when you get back, both with the show and your band."

* * *

 

 _Greetings, you have reached the Sixth Sense Detective Agency. We know how you are and what you want so at the sound of the tone, please hang up_.

"Harry, it's Clarisse. Are you alright? We're all getting pretty worried. Just...leave a message or something, let us know if you're okay or not. There are reporters calling for comment and it's getting a bit weird. We understand your need to get away and find yourself, or whatever, but make sure you're back on time for the tour. If you're not, it's not just you you're fucking up."

* * *

 

**part xii: it's me you're talking to**

_come on it's me you're talking to there's something going on inside of you don't have to say it, but I wish you would cause it would be much easier_

* * *

 

When it was Liam's turn to drive, Zayn snagged the front seat and the two of them talked quietly. Niall sat in the far back, listening to demos on his iPod and scribbling down notes in a tattered blue moleskine--it seemed that even on "vacation", he brought work with him. When Zayn asked why he'd bothered, the brunet had shrugged.

"It's not work if it's fun, is it?" he'd said, then slid his headphones back on and going back to what he was doing.

Harry too was working--he was rapidly editing three days worth of footage into a montage video, keys clacking rapidly on his laptop. Like Niall, he had headphones on and couldn't hear the quiet conversation between Zayn and Liam.

"So why were you so mad at me?" Liam asked quietly. The road was straight and flat, an easy enough drive. The problem was not getting too bored and falling asleep. Since Niall had vetoed radio ("It fucks with my analysis, so no. Figure something else out to do"), the only thing left to do was talk. "We didn't talk for four years, and then suddenly we're friends on this road trip. What gives?"

"Maybe I'm just tired of fighting."

Liam would have given Zayn a long hard look if he wasn't focusing on not letting the van drift into the other lane. "And that's why, last time I called your bakery, I was not very kindly told to go fuck myself with a broom handle?"

Zayn winced. "I've _really_ got to stop letting Rosie answer the phone."

"Your girlfriend, then. Or, your girlfriend's sister." Liam sighed as they came up behind a pickup truck going exactly the speed limit. As he signaled and passed, Liam said, "If she's getting defensive over you, obviously you had to tell her something to make her hate me. So. Why, exactly, were you pissed beyond reason? Because you called me shitfaced drunk last night to tell me you were in love with Harry, something someone could very easily hold over your head or use to make you miserable, but you chose to call me. You couldn't be too mad at me if you chose me instead of Niall, or your girlfriend, or one of your friends in London. Hell, even _Olly_ would have been a better pick than me, if you were really pissed off. So. What gives? "

Zayn sighed and stared out the window. "I dunno. I mean. We were friends, weren't we? For awhile at least. But then I always sided with Harry, and you always sided with Louis. It pissed me off you never saw the shit that Harry was going through. So I guess I took it out on you?"

"I always hated how you didn't see how hard it was on Louis," Liam countered. He carefully merged back into the correct lane, fifty feet past the pickup, who seemed to have taken being passed by a VW van as an insult. At least, if the way they'd sped up and seemed to be attempting to race was anything to go by. "He was the one who got stuck with the fake girlfriend, the one who had to deal with all the interview questions and the collective fan hate whenever he said something they didn't quite approve of in relation to 'Larry'. What is this jerk _doing_?"

"I think she took offense, mate." Zayn snorted. "To be honest, I'd take offense at being passed by a VW too."

"Oh, shut up." Liam waved at the other driver, allowing her to pass. He was rewarded with a middle finger and the tail lights of the truck flashing as they sped down the highway and turned off onto a dirt road. "Anyways. That's why we were fighting?"

"I guess," Zayn said. "Me having a crush on Harry probably didn't help things." He looked over his shoulder quickly to make sure Harry hadn't heard--he hadn't, too engrossed in whatever he was editing. "So I was always trying to take his side, and you were taking Louis', which made Harry upset, and that pissed me off."

"Well, we're over it now, right?" Liam looked so hopeful, Zayn considered saying 'no' just to wind him up, but decided against it.

"Yeah, I guess."

Zayn had barely managed to fall asleep when the van pulled to the side of the road and stopped.

"What's going on?" he asked. "I don't actually have to go to the bathroom, we can keep going."

"Why'd we stop?" Harry asked, finally stopping with his incessant tapping. "Zayn need to go to the bathroom again?"

Liam's "we're going swimming" overlapped with Zayn's vehement "not this time! Just because we stop doesn't mean I have to pee!"

"What?" It was Niall who asked this time. "We're doing _what_?"

"Well, there's a lake, I'm getting restless sitting, let's go swimming," Liam said, matter-of-factly. "Zayn, you've learned how to swim, right?"

"Yeah...but why now? Why in a lake?"

"Why the hell not?" Liam said, and no one had a counter argument for that. They all piled out of the van, and stripped down to their underwear (or in Harry's case, right down to the nude) before simply diving in.

Niall vaguely thought it should have been more awkward than it was, but apparently four years of touring and living in extremely close quarters with each other had trained any sort of self-consciousness right out of them.

Niall splashed Harry without really thinking about it; Harry yelped and retaliated. Soon, it became an all out war--Liam and Harry against Zayn and Niall. As no one bothered to establish rules, it quickly devolved into ducking each other under the water and attempting to knock everyone else off balance. Their churning feet stirred up mud and silt at the bottom of the lake, muddying the waters and turning them cloudy brown.

After the fight (essentially once Zayn and Niall had admitted defeat and sworn retaliation in the form of not sharing the marshmallows they'd bought in Vegas for the bonfire they were having for lunch), Harry floated on his back, staring up at the clear blue sky, dotted with puffy clouds. To the left side of his vision, he could see a storm forming, but it looked far enough away not to be a problem they'd have to worry about anytime soon. Liam and Zayn had climbed out of the lake, pulled on their jeans, and were working on starting up a bonfire. Niall was doing what looked to be underwater somersaults. Harry wasn't questioning it, so long as Niall wasn't splashing him. He closed his eyes and floated, soaking in the warmth and the coolness of the water all in one. It was entirely pleasant, doing nothing and having nothing waiting on him.

"Lunch," Liam called after maybe half an hour. "And for God's sake, put some trousers on!"

"I'm wearing pants!" Niall yelled back, but clambered out of the lake and tugged on his jeans. The material immediately soaked through, clinging to his legs. "Better?"

Harry opened his eyes and waved at the others. "I'm good here!"

"Oh, so you'll miss out on hot dogs and marshmallows for lunch?" Zayn called back. Harry got out of the water at that, but refused to put on trousers until Liam threatened him with melted marshmallow on his privates. Harry put on his trousers pretty quickly after that.

Niall unearthed a football from the back of the van, half-buried under a pile of stuff they'd accumulated the past four days. He bounced it on his knees, showing off a few tricks he clearly hadn't forgotten in the past few years.

"How come you're not over here stuffing your face?" Harry asked through a mouthful of hotdog and crisps. "Seems like your kind of meal."

"Not supposed to eat right after swimming," Niall said prissily. "You get cramps."

"That's right _before_ swimming, Niall."

"Oh, in that case, gimme some." Niall plopped down next to Zayn and grabbed a stick to roast his hotdog.

Liam set a portable radio on the table and set it to a music station for them to listen to while they ate. It wasn't an uncomfortable quiet without conversation, but rather a content one.

When one of Liam's songs came up on the radio, Harry pelted him with bits of crisps until Liam relented and sang along, belting out the lyrics he'd written for Danielle. By the end of the song, they were all singing, laughing and feeling like they were back at the bungalow.

Immediately after, a song Niall had written came up, and he chose a dare.

Harry grinned. "Chubby bunny challenge!"

Niall managed to fit eleven marshmallows in his mouth before Zayn confiscated the bag, saying he actually wanted to eat s'mores.

At some point, Niall retrieved his guitar from the van and started playing songs; Liam immediately turned off the radio and offered the blue cooler for Niall to sit on. No one was entirely sure when, but Liam eventually wound up with the guitar while Niall challenged Zayn to an impromptu football match.

Time passed there, by the lake, probably an hour or more. The only reason they left was when it began to rain.

"Shit," Liam said, and hurriedly started putting out the fire. Zayn helped by packing up the cooler and the radio, shoving them into the back of the van.

They all dove into the van as the skies really began to pour rain down on them.

Liam took one look at the others, absolutely drenched, and burst into laughter. The sound swelled to fill the van, the four of them laughing like idiots, piled into the backseat, limbs overlapping and body heat soaking together as rain poured down from the sky.

"So who's driving?" Liam asked lightly. "Not me."

"I'll have a go," Zayn said. "Gives me an excuse for bathroom stops, if I'm driving." He looked down at his soaked clothes. "Probably should change first, though."

"Yeah, probably," Niall agreed, and wriggled out of the pile. "I packed beach towels for when we go to the beach, we can use those to dry off. Zayn, your bag is the green duffle, right?"

"No, that's mine," Harry said. "Zayn's is the blue wheeler bag."

"Ah gotcha." Niall tossed towels at Harry, who passed them to the others to begin drying off. Niall started digging in the various bags to retrieve dry clothes for each of them. "Here's something to write home about. How's your camera, Harry?"

"Totally fine, somehow," Harry replied. "Not even damp. I think the footage of your chubby bunny challenge is fine, even."

"Damnit," Niall swore. Zayn laughed, pulling his wet shirt over his head, wadding it up and then throwing it at Niall, who tossed a bundle of dry clothes at Zayn in return.

"That video's going to go viral, I hope you know."

"Unfortunately, I do," Niall grumbled. "Whatever. Liam, which shirt do you want?"

"Blue plaid?" Liam had wrapped his towel snugly around himself like a blanket and was neatly folding his wet clothes, rather than crumpling them up like Zayn and Harry were doing. "It should be near the top. Red duffel, by the way."

"Yeah, got it."

"Can we hang wet stuff on the back seat to dry?" Harry suggested, trying to towel dry his hair and not caring that he was sitting there buck naked. "I'll stay in the back, whoever else can share a bench with me and we can use the other two to dry stuff."

"Put your trousers on, Harry," Niall said by way of reply, and threw a familiar white jumper as well as a pair of sweatpants at Harry. "But the drying thing is a good idea."

Zayn, now fully changed, clambered into the driver's seat to give Liam and Harry more room to change. "It's still fucking weird that the steering wheel's on this side," he said. "How'd you get used to it?"

"Time," Niall offered. He managed to change his trousers with minimal problems. "Hey, Haz, you haven't driven yet."

"I'll drive tonight," Harry said, spreading a relatively dry towel on the seat before sitting; the four of them dripping had managed to get it pretty wet. "Zayn's driving right now."

"Oh, I see how it is," Liam teased, struggling not to brain himself as he struggled out of his soaking wet jeans. "Let everyone else drive while you makes us look like idiots on camera, I know your game."

"And there's the old Liam," Niall crowed triumphantly, head emerging from--the armhole?--of his shirt. "Also, ow, who destroyed my clothes?" He disappeared back into the folds of fabric. "Oh, Christ. Little help here?"

Liam leaned over to help Niall into his shirt (there was a very pointed mutter of "Jesus Christ, Niall, you are twenty-four years old, how the hell do you not know how to put on your shirt?", which was equally pointedly ignored in turn) while Harry chortled and flopped into the passenger seat, apparently deciding to let Niall and Liam share the backseat instead of sitting there as he'd said he would earlier.

"Onward, Jeeves," he deadpanned. "And turn on the heating, it's fucking freezing in here."

"It's October and we just went swimming, what do you expect?" Zayn muttered, but obliged.

They drove for a good while and after the third hour of nothing but rain and road, Niall began listing all the ways Ireland was superior to the United States.  Most of his points seemed to include the size of the country, the side of the road they drove on, and the distinct lack of good Irish food.  He was on his forty-fifth reason (Liam had tuned out around the fifth reason, and Harry had put on his headphones at the seventeenth) when Zayn finally pulled over to the side of the road, unbuckled his seatbelt and hurled himself at Niall with the apparent intent to claw the Irishman's eyes out.

Harry sighed, powered off his iPod, clambered into the driver's seat and switched on the radio.

Only twenty-two more hours of driving to Graceland, not counting stops.

* * *

 

**part xiii: a lot of wonder**

_there's a lot of wonder left inside of me and you thank god even crazy dreams come true never let a bad day be enough to go and talk you in to giving up_

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"Louis! Opening night, yeah? Break a leg!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"Louis, it's Amy. I think I left my phone at either yours or Charlie's? I'm using Peter's cell right now, but I'd really like mine back. If it's at yours, could you bring it tonight? Please and thank you!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"Charlie here. Good luck tonight, Lou! I'm sorry I won't be able to give you your good luck kiss before the show, but I'll be sitting front and center. We can go for dinner after at that diner you love--that is, if I can tear you away from your cast mates and the inevitable party they'll be throwing for you! But Lou...I  know you, you're freaking out right about now. Don't. You put long hard work into this, and you'll do great. I've sat in on rehearsals, remember? It's not just because we're dating. Love you lots, kisses!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"Louis, it's your mum, wishing you good luck on Mary Poppins tonight! The girls miss you lots, we're all upset we couldn't be there for your opening night, but Lottie and Flick both have uni, and we couldn't get tickets for another two months anyways! We'll be visiting for a week then anyways. Daisy and Phoebe are doing well in school, they send their love. Phoebe said to tell you that you're all over tumblr, that she had to blacklist your name, whatever that means. Daisy's got a track meet next weekend, her boyfriend's coming, not sure how I feel about him yet but he seems sweet enough, Daisy's glad you're not here to scare him off! Gran and Gramps say hi, I haven't talked to Anne recently but I'm sure she'd send love if she could, and--oops, that's the oven timer, making a cake for the school bake sale, love you lots, take care of yourself, miss you, bye!"

* * *

 

 _You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2_.

"This is a message for Louis Tomlinson from Dr James' office. This is a courtesy reminder to Louis Tomlinson that his weekly therapy appointment has been rescheduled to eleven-thirty on Tuesday morning, rather than three-forty on Monday afternoon. If Louis Tomlinson is unable to make the appointment, please call Dr James' office within the next twenty four hours at 555-3298."

* * *

 

 _You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2_.

"Louis, it´s Lottie. Just wanted to say hi and good luck! Break a leg! And Skype me when you get the chance!"

* * *

 

 _You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2_.

"Louis, it's Taylor! I'm going to be in New York next week, I've got a concert, and I was hoping we could meet up? Be nice to see you again. Give Charlie my love!"

* * *

 

 _You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2_.

"Niall here. It's your opening night, isn't it? At least, according to Google it is, because you haven't told any of us anything. Good luck anyways. You never liked break a leg, thought it was bad luck. Anyways, we'll be in New York in about a week and a half. I think Liam's got us tickets to see your show, not sure how since everyone says it's sold out for the next few months. But we'll be there. Have fun, do what you love and don't forget us, okay?"

* * *

 

 _You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2_.

"Louis, you're late! Hurry up and get here!"

* * *

 

**part xiv: actors on a stage**

_does it help you to pray as you faded away like a memory cause all we are just chapters on a page and after all, we're actors on a stage._

* * *

Louis was running late.

To be honest, that was usually his default setting. But being late tonight was not something he could do, considering it was one of the biggest nights of his career, and possibly his life.

He flashed his ID card at the guard, who buzzed him in, and then it was a dead sprint to wardrobe and makeup. He could almost hear Charlie scolding him for being late, but Charlie wasn't here, Charlie was stuck in a room full of preschoolers until just before show time. Charlie liked that kind of thing, though, so Louis wasn't complaining.

He flew through check in, and then bolted up the stairs, feeling mildly panicked for being late. Opening night and he was late--how did that fare for the rest of his time here?

Various people stopped him and gave greetings or wished him luck as he sprinted down three hallways and up two flights of stairs. He appreciated the sentiment, he just wished they wouldn't want to stop and talk when he was running late and Marta, the head makeup artist, was probably going to disembowel him the second he set foot in the makeup room.

He quickly changed into basketball shorts and a tank top and dumped the rest of his stuff down, pulling on a battered hoodie as he ran down to makeup.

"And this is why your call time is an hour earlier than everyone else's," Marta informed him smartly as he skidded into the makeup room and tripped into the makeup chair. "Because the show would start an hour late if we didn't get you here an hour early." She pulled the box labeled Tomlinson/Bert Makeup in red sharpie out from under the makeup table. "Alright, let's get you all chimney sweeped up, Tomlinson."

She began daubing liquids and powders on his face, beginning to transform him into Bert the chimney sweep.

"Sorry I'm late," Louis said as she worked on his forehead. He was an expert at staying still while someone plastered makeup on him; One Direction had been good for that much, at least. "Couldn't find my phone, and then my sister called and you know how hard it is to get off the phone with her, especially when she wants to hear about Charlie."

"How _is_ Charlie doing?" Marta was good friends with Charlie; Louis had never quite figured out why, as they were radically different people.

"Charlie's...Charlie. Working at the preschool, painting the spare room, somehow managing to lose house keys every other day." Louis rolled his eyes fondly. "How else do you describe Charlie?"

Marta laughed. "Tell indescribable Charlie I say hi, then."

"Sure."

"So, you nervous?" Marta smacked his face with some sort of powder puff, sending Louis into a sneezing fit.

"Be careful with that!"

"You didn't answer my question!"

"You didn't give me time to!" Louis protested. He shrugged then. "I don't know, a little? It's sort of...big shoes to fill, you know? And it's so different from everything I've ever done."

"Well, it's everyone's opening night," Marta said practically. "You're not the only one with butterflies. I think Tamara was going to cry."

Louis opened his mouth to reply but he was smacked with the powder puff again. _He_ didn't think Tamara would cry; this was her second large role, and she seemed to have been born for the role of Mary Poppins.

"Don't move," she ordered, but it was kind. "You can talk in five minutes, but if you move now, you'll mess up my lines. Oh! And Peter said to tell you he did what you requested with the tickets. You still don't know which day?"

Louis wanted to reply but knew he'd end up with a mouth full of primer if he tried to speak now.

It took another half an hour to get his makeup done exactly the way Marta wanted it, and by then the other makeup artists were working on his cast mates. Marta kept up a steady stream of chatter, and it was soothing, listening to someone who wasn't about to panic.

"Make sure your harness is on securely, and tell Tamara that she should mind _her_ harness and make sure she's wearing her leggings underneath that skirt." At this point, Marta was just rattling off general advice. "Picture the audience in their underwear, ad lib if you have to, and don't antagonize the orchestra, they have the power to make your life very miserable. Now get your hair done, get harnessed and miked, get into costume and then back here for touchups. After that is your warmups, you've already stretched, haven't you?" Louis nodded. He knew this routine by heart, had done it for the countless dress rehearsals and had it pounded into him by the smaller roles he'd held in other musicals, but it was soothing to have someone take care of him. "And Louis?"

"Yeah?"

"You didn't get cast because of who you are. You got cast because you're good. Genuinely good."

Louis smiled. "Thanks, Marta."

Louis waved goodbye as Marta headed down the hall, probably to attack anyone she could find wandering around without makeup.

The hairstylists came after him next, so it was another ten minutes of someone yanking at his head and ordering him to stay still. The only difference was that the hairstylists swore a lot more than Marta.

He waited to get miked, and once that was done, it was only a matter of heading down to costuming, pulling on his costume and trying not to muss his hair too much.

The techs were finally comfortable with him now, which had taken a month of rehearsal to get to. He was apparently different from everyone else, the smallest reason being that he had the least amount of trouble adjusting his accent to that of Bert's, which was sometimes nice and sometimes awkward. The kids who played Jane and Michael (all six of them, who rotated the roles every night) were always asking for tips on improving their accents, which he did happily. He liked being helpful, since he was certainly the most out of place.

Hayley and Jake, the kids on tonight, tapped on his door after he'd been banished to his dressing room so as not to disturb anyone else.

They were both in costume, miked and had their makeup done, completely ready to go, probably had been ready for awhile now. Which, in Louis' mind, was the worst thing anyone could have done to them. This was their first big performance, bigger than any of the school productions they'd participated in before. Letting them have free time only let them be nervous.

"Hey, come on in!" he said cheerfully, and ushered them in along with their handler. "I was just finishing up. How are you doing?"

He led them in a conversation that was really about nothing at all until they were both smiling and seemed less nervous.

Then, of course, Jake asked the question Louis was just waiting for one of them to ask.

"How do you get over stage fright?" Jake asked, swallowing water. Their handler was texting on her phone, not really paying attention to them now that they were talking with Louis. "You don't seem nervous at all."

"You don't, you're never not going to have stage fright," he told them cheerfully, adjusting his hat. "It's a fact of performing. But it'll stop scaring you eventually, and besides, a little nerves is good. It keeps you on your toes and lets you know you care about what you're doing. If you're not nervous, you've stopped caring."

Hayley had been a fan of One Direction (he'd learned that painfully on the day when they'd met; her high pitched shriek was somehow worse than a legion of fangirls, but she'd since calmed down and considered him a big brother rather than one of her idols) and took him at his word; Jake looked more doubtful.

"It's easier if you have a sort of ritual," Louis added when Jake looked like he was either going to cry or have a minor meltdown. "I always used to count to fifty, forwards and backwards. If you're focusing on the numbers, you're not focusing on your butterflies. My mate Liam always did pushups. I wouldn't recommend that in your costumes. You could do extra scales, or hop on one foot. Something to keep you occupied."

"Thirty minutes to curtain!" Both Hayley and Jake jumped, looking more nervous now that show time was actually drawing close.

"Come on, let's go warm up. That's something that'll keep your mind off it, yeah?" Louis swung his jacket on and led them down the hallway, greeting the various cast and crew members they saw on the way. He stood near them as the entire cast ran through their scales and vocal exercises. At one point, he managed to send Jake and Hayley into a giggle fit, cracking jokes about their director.

After warmups, it was just a matter of waiting to step on stage.

Hayley and Jake were whisked off to the other side of the stage, to wait for their marks, and with them gone, Louis was back to focusing on memories and his own nervousness.

Tamara, in full Mary Poppins regalia, sat next to him. "Calm down," she said, her voice already taking on her affected accent.

"I _am_ calm," Louis retorted. "I've performed for larger crowds." Of course, he'd had his boyfriend and three of his best friends there beside him every step of the way, and here, he had a cast, but he was still alone.

"And that right there is how I know you're freaking out. You never bring up your past." Tamara smiled. "It's normal to be nervous your first day. Next week, this'll be old hat."

"Why can't any of you be catty Broadway stereotypes?" Louis complained,  burying his face in his hands but taking care not to smudge his makeup--Marta would kill him and dance on his grave. "Then I'd have a plausible reason to hate all of you for being supportive."

"It's Disney, love. We'd like to pretend we're all nice people here. And it's hard to hate you, despite being a bigger name than the rest of us here." She kissed him briefly on the cheek. "You'll do fine. Now go hit your mark, I think the stage manager's about to blow a gasket that you're not already standing there waiting."

Louis rolled his eyes but did as he was told, slipping on the character like a coat. Now wasn't the time to be thinking about how different it was performing on Broadway rather than on a tour, another person rather than himself. Now wasn't the time to be thinking that of all the people important to him, only Charlie could be here tonight. Now wasn't the time for any of that.

When the curtain rose, he fell into the role completely, becoming Bert. He let himself get lost in the story, and thought--he wouldn't trade this for anything in the world. 

* * *

 

**part xv: everything's fine**

_everything's fine everything's fine everything's fine everything's fine everything's fine_

* * *

 

 _You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep_.

"Hi, Niall? This is Anne. Cox. Um, Harry's mum, but I guess you knew that. I'm a bit worried about Harry, he's been acting really...off, lately, and...oh, God, this sounds horrible, but I don't quite trust him to tell me the whole truth right now. Is he really doing okay, or is he just lying to make his mum feel better? I feel horrible for asking, but I just need to know. Thanks, love."

* * *

 

"Hi, Liam!"

"Danielle?"

"Yeah! Your phone's actually on for once, what gives?"

"Um, yeah. Just got off the phone with Harry's doctor."

"What happened?"

"Not enough sunscreen, not enough water, we're in the south, everyone's pretty sure it's sunstroke?"

"It's _October_."

"Try telling the weather in the American South that. It's ridiculous. How are you, love?"

"I'm doing pretty well. House is still lonely but. You'll be home soon. A week or so, yeah?"

"Six days. I can't believe this trip's already been eight days. Seems so much shorter."

"But you're having fun?"

"Yeah, I really am. It'd be more fun if Haz didn't have heatstroke, but you can't win them all."

"Where are you today?"

"Somewhere in the south, and that's all I really know. We're doing Graceland later this afternoon--that is, if Harry's up to it, and then it's an overnight drive to Florida for two days at Disney. Then up the coast towards New York. We're stopping in DC if we have time, but we've got to be there by Thursday morning to try to get rush tickets for Louis' show. There's no promise we'll see it, but at least we'll have tried. Then I fly back to Seattle Friday afternoon. I should be back in Victoria by early Saturday morning."

"I'll make waffles."                                                                                  

"Sounds yummy. Want me to pick anything up to go with those waffles when I'm getting home?"

"Fresh cream and strawberries--we can have homemade whipped cream with your hot chocolate and strawberries. I miss you, Li."

"I won't even be gone two weeks. I've been gone longer."

"Yeah, and remember how that turned out?"

"Dani..."

"Relax, Liam. We got married. I'm not going to dump you over being gone two weeks, not when you're trying so hard to stay home as much as possible. I love you, okay?"

"Love you too."

"I know."

"So. What's been going on in Victoria?"

"Not much."

"Tell me about it anyways."

"Of course..."

* * *

 

_Hello, this is Death. I'm not in right now, but if you leave your name and number, I'll be right with you._

"Harry! It's Cher! Thanks for finally calling me back, it's good to know you're alive. But why'd you go on a roadtrip with the lads? And why didn't you invite me? Would've been like old times! Anyways, take care, okay? The triplets say hi! Kisses!"

* * *

 

_This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!_

"Hi, Anne! It's Niall. Harry's doing fine--he had a bit of sunstroke earlier, but with enough water and some sleep he'll be back to normal. If you'd like I can call you and leave reports for the rest of the trip? There's not much trip left, but...my mum worries too, so. She'd kill me if I didn't help."

* * *

 

**part xvi: main street usa**

_i'm walking right down the middle of main street usa i know it's no illusion it's a dream that's here to stay for the time of your life you oughta find yourself here you're welcome any time you have the mind to appear_

* * *

 

Graceland was everything Harry expected. He was practically vibrating with excitement as they followed the guide into garishly decorated rooms. The others were considerably less excited. Niall eyed the Jungle Room with disgust and fascinated horror.

"Glad we didn't end up like this," he muttered to Zayn and Liam, both of whom grinned.

"What, building an outrageous mansion as a monument to our fame and a show of wealth and power? Popping so many drugs to maintain the high that we die on the toilet?" Zayn shrugged. "How'd none of _us_ end up like that anyways?"

"We had friends. Each other. We never got to the point where the high wore off and we needed drugs to pretend," Liam said quietly. "And then after...we went and did what we loved, got an all new kind of high. I mean, you, Zayn. You opened your bakery, worked on the X-Factor, got over Taylor. Mostly," he amended when Niall gave him a doubtful look. "Niall, you went to LA, wrote songs, got into the production side of things like you always wanted. Me, I married Danielle, kept doing what I loved, just by myself. Louis, he went to Broadway and he's kicking ass at it, pardon my French. Harry though....I always worry about Harry."

"Why him?"

"Why do you _think_? Look, Harry and I might not have gotten along the last five years, but even _I_ saw how badly it hurt him when he and Louis split. He'd already lost the most, it'd be the easiest for him to slip that little bit further into drugs and alcohol and end up one of those celebrities that everyone wonders what went wrong." Liam shrugged. "I think Louis was the only one who didn't really _get_ how big of a thing it was, him breaking up with Harry. We all knew, and even the fans guessed something had happened. No one ever knew, but they guessed, and we've all been on tumblr, we know how perceptive the fans can be. So. Yeah. I always worry about Harry."

The trio looked at Harry, bouncing eagerly after the tour guide, asking questions quickly and quietly.

"I don't think we have to worry," Zayn said finally. "At least not now?"

"Yeah, I figured that out two days in," Liam said cheerfully. "Pre-Vegas, or so? Harry's completely fine. He just doesn't _think_ he is."

"Come on guys, hurry up!" Harry called. "We're going into the suit room!"

"Same old Harry." Liam sighed and ran to catch up. Zayn and Niall followed at a slower pace.

"If we bought Harry an Elvis jumpsuit, what's the probability that he'd never wear anything else ever again?" Niall asked. "At least willingly?"

"Very high," Zayn retorted. "Which is why we're not."

Niall grinned wickedly. "We so are, aren't we?"

"If we can get it past Liam."

"I'm just picturing Harry trying to go see Louis' show in an Elvis jumpsuit."

Zayn choked on air, coughing and eyes watering at the mental image. "Oh, God. He _would_."

"Meet you in the gift shop?"

"We're getting this past Liam," Zayn agreed. "I just want to see that."

It turned out that they could not, in fact, get it past Liam, who very much disapproved of them even trying. The point was nullified anyways when Harry returned to the van in an Elvis wig and sunglasses, along with Liam's Vegas T-shirt.

Liam was already regretting Graceland.

* * *

 

The thirteen hour drive to Disneyworld was a test of Niall's patience. Zayn's too, although Zayn had managed to fall asleep an hour in.

Liam and Harry were both incredibly, somewhat freakishly excited about Disneyworld. Niall stood by his opinion that Liam and Harry were both secretly small children in the bodies of twenty-year-old men.

After the fourth hour of Harry and Liam harmonizing "We're going to Disneyworld!" along to various songs on the radio, he pulled over and issued an ultimatum.

"Either you're going to be quiet about your love of Disneyworld, or I'm going to start blasting Sufi drum music for the remainder of the drive," he threatened.

Harry and Liam did not quiet down.

Niall turned the volume up with relish.

* * *

 

"We're going to Disneyworld," Harry sang, bright and early. Niall rolled over and buried his head under the pillow, groaning and flipping Harry off from deep his cocoon. They'd arrived at two in the morning and had immediately fallen asleep. Of course, four hours later, Harry was up and bouncing around, excited for Disneyworld.

"We're going when Zayn is conscious," Niall mumbled, burrowing deeper in his coverlet. While Florida itself was ridiculously warm for October, the air conditioner had been set to near-Arctic temperature for whatever reason, and the little bits of Niall that stuck out from underneath his blanket were pebbling with goose bumps."G'way, lemme sleep."

"But we've only got today and tomorrow for Disney," Harry whined, looking like he was actually going to get upset. "And I want to see the parks. _All_ the parks! All four of them! Come on, get up!" He started tugging at Niall's blankets.

It took another half an hour of wheedling and whining and a promise of the biggest cup of coffee Harry could find alongside an Arnold Palmer with lunch before Niall finally acquiesced and climbed out of bed. By then, Liam had managed to rouse Zayn. How, no one was entirely sure and the look on Liam's face discouraged them from asking.

They arrived at Magic Kingdom just before it opened and rushed through entering the park.  Harry grabbed Liam and they disappeared into the depths of Fantasyland, while Niall and Zayn sleepily located the first place they could find that sold coffee. Then they went to wait in line for Space Mountain, still not quite awake. It was a relatively calm morning, and they weren't recognized.

At three, Harry and Liam managed to track them down and drag them to Epcot on the monorail.

"We're going to eat dinner at the UK Pavilion," Liam informed them brightly. "And make fun of all the inaccuracies."

Niall wished he  had a headache so he'd have an excuse to beg off.

They spent the rest of the day in Epcot, wandering around the various pavilions and through FutureWorld. Harry had managed to get extended day passes, so they had permission to stay in the park until midnight, which Harry and Liam took as terrifying permission to visit every single part of the park.

Niall regretted ever suggesting Disneyworld, especially when a tourist decided to take offense at Liam's accent during dinner, telling him he was obviously faking it. Liam in turn took offense at being told his accent was fake and reacted accordingly--ending in everyone being kicked out of the restaurant.

"Great," Harry grumbled. "Now we have to find another restaurant with space for dinner."

The Moroccan restaurant had an opening and they all collapsed onto the cushion-seats gratefully. They chatted through dinner until it became apparent Harry had fallen asleep at the table.

"Should we wake him?" Zayn asked quietly. "Because he'll be pissed if we don't, but if we do it's another four hours of wandering around Epcot."

"Let him sleep for the rest of dinner and then wake him up," Liam suggested before unearthing a cocktail umbrella from one of his pockets and tucking it behind Harry's ear.

"Where did you even _get_ that?"

"I wore these jeans in Vegas," Liam said, shrugging. "Must have been saving them for some reason, I've got like ten of them."

Zayn choked on his drink. Niall laughed. Harry snored on. Liam simply grinned sunnily and produced another umbrella.

"Want to see how many we can stick in his hair before he wakes up and notices?"

 

* * *

 

**part xvii: we are alive**

_how does it feel just to know that we are alive there ain't no better reason we can make it tonight everything is alright_

* * *

 

_This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!_

"Hi, Anne! Niall here. Harry's doing well, really, really freakishly excited about Disneyworld, but...he's fine. Mostly. Is he normally this excited about theme parks? Scratch that, yes he is. Do you approve us tranquilizing him so we can actually leave the park?"

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"Hi, Louis! It's Niall. I guess it's a bit too late for you to come join us, but you're missing a hell of a lot. Harry and Liam are going nuts over Disneyworld, remember when we went to Disneyland Paris? Not really a point to this, just wanted to check in."

* * *

 

_You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!_

"Hi, Danielle! It's Liam! We're in Disneyworld, and I'm bringing you back Mickey Mouse ears with your name on them!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!_

"Unless you want the Goofy Hat? I'll get you it too anyways. You can have both!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!_

"Dani! I found little key chains with your name on them! And a Minnie Mouse T-shirt I think you'll like!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!_

"They have _human sized stuffed animals_. And Mickey Mouse baby gear!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!_

"Danielle, please pick up your phone, your husband is busying twenty million things for--no, Zayn, grab Liam please, Harry, you're _not helping_ \--fucking hell, when did I become babysitter? Danielle, call your husband before we _murder_ him."

* * *

 

"Hello?"

"Hi, Taylor? It's Zayn."

"Zayn! Oh my god! Hi, how are you?"

"I'm doing pretty alright. I'm in Florida with the lads right now, second day in Disney, have a bit of downtime while we're waiting in line. And you?"

"I'm doing well, thanks. You better than you were the other night?"

"Yeah, sorry about that."

"Don't be. I got to talk to you, which was nice."

"So...how've you been, Taylor?"

"I've been pretty alright. Writing and recording for my next album, visiting everyone back home for a week before tour starts in earnest. You know. Normal stuff. And you?"

"Been on a road trip with the lads, but I guess you knew that. Sorry about the Vegas phone call, by the way."

"Not a problem. I'm glad you told me about Harry, though."

"Shit, I told you about that?"

"Zayn. We talked for half an hour about everything that went through your mind. I know all about Harry, and Nicolle, and then about the fact that your bladder apparently can't handle four hours in a car."

"...I blame altitude and air pressure for that one."

"I'm not going to ask. The point is...you called me and talked about it. And we didn't yell, and...it sort of felt like old times. But...yeah. I'd like to point out that you called me both times we've talked this week. Just. For future reference."

"I don't think most phone calls with exes go like this."

"Probably not. Did you have a reason for calling?"

"Sort of? Liam told me I should probably call to apologize for the Vegas thing. And...I'm sort of tired of fighting, if you can believe that. We've gotten far enough we can be friends, right?"

"Sounds good to me. I'd love to chat more, but...I've got to get back into the studio, so. I'm free...not tonight, but...on Wednesday night, that sound good? We can have a long talk."

"Great. Talk to you then?"

"Yeah. And Zayn?"

"Hm?"

"I love you."

"...love you too."

* * *

 

**part xviii: let's call it what it is**

_this is just therapy let's call it what it is not what we were with a death grip on this life always transitioning this is just therapy cause you won't take my calls and that makes god the only one who's left here listening to me_

* * *

 

Harry couldn't sleep. He tossed and turned, flipping over and over, turning like an eggbeater between the soft sheets of his bed. Across the room, Niall snored on, oblivious to Harry's frustration.

It had been a long two days, running through all the Disney parks in record time. He should have been exhausted--and he was. He just couldn't sleep.

Finally, Harry slipped out of bed and stood in the middle of the room, wearing flannel pajama pants and a soft cotton t-shirt that he was pretty sure had once belonged to Liam. He didn't normally wear clothes to bed, but it was chilly and he wasn't about to let his bits freeze off.

He snagged the keys to the van off the nightstand, whispering an apologize to the soundly asleep Niall. Harry slipped on his shoes and tiptoed out of the room.

He walked down three flights of stairs, wishing he'd thought to bring a jacket. But he wasn't going back up to the room--if he returned, he wouldn't have the courage to leave again.

The van was parked nearby, so he unlocked the door and sat in the front seat. Without really thinking about it, he pulled out of the parking lot and started driving. Where, exactly, he was going, he didn't know.

He just knew he had to go somewhere that wasn't there.

This wasn't something he ever thought he'd do--getting in the car and driving through the countryside with nothing but the clothes on his back for the simple sake of driving. He was grateful that the van was manual, because it gave him something to focus on rather than just his thoughts.

Harry switched on the radio, just to have some sort of noise in the car. Spinning the dial at random, he landed on a college radio station that seemed to be run by hipsters stuck in 2011, if the amount of Two Door Cinema Club and Foster The People was anything to go by.

He managed to drive half an hour, just driving circles around the town before one of his own songs came on, just as the sun started to come up.

He thought of the game they played, the four of them in the van he now drove in alone. How he was supposed to sing along, or tell a story. A story would be easy enough--he'd written this song to tell one, after all. He'd written this song for Louis, a way of saying everything he never could say to Louis' face.

Harry began to sing along, feeling every emotion the song described.

He hadn't thought he'd ever be here, needing time alone like this. Only went to show how much he missed Louis, really.

He was _lonely_ , which was something he didn't want--or expect--to be. He was surrounded by people, all of whom wanted to help him, and no one who could. He wasn't used to that, he was used to being surrounded by the people he'd gladly lay his life down for. And he hadn't had that recently.

In a way, this was therapy, saying something sort of like a prayer to open and empty air and trying to loosen his death-grip on something that was already gone.

Except...was it gone? All of it?

It hadn't been horrible. There were so many good memories that overwhelmed the bad. He knew Louis had loved what they were just as much as Harry had, which was what confused Harry.

He remembered weekends in bed, lazily exploring each other's bodies, listening to the radio, swimming in soft sheets that smelled like Louis and sex. There were days when all they'd wanted was to hold hands and cuddle, and days when they couldn't get close enough. There were fights, yes, Harry wasn't deluded enough to forget that, but they were always smoothed over quickly.

What had gone wrong? What had caused them to fall apart?

There were questions he wanted to ask Louis, about why they'd ended, and how they'd gotten so far just to fall apart. Questions about why they'd wrecked the others while they were at it, and questions about why Harry hadn't been good enough in the end.  He wanted to know where Louis was now, what he was doing, if he was happy. The complete communications blackout had done nothing but make Harry wish he'd had more time.

He just wanted _answers_ , damnit.

He drove for a long time, listening to the radio and thinking of questions that he couldn't answer the way Louis could, until the sun had risen and the roads had slowly filled with morning traffic and the clock was telling him it was nine AM.

Finally, he couldn't take it any longer and fished his mobile out of his pocket. He didn't even bother to scroll through the contacts, just dialed in a number he knew by heart, and waited for the dial tone.

* * *

 

 **part xix: fairytales are full of shit**                                                                   

_if happy ever afters did exist i would still be holding you like this all those fairy tales are full of shit one more fucking love song i'll be sick now i'm at a payphone_

* * *

 

 _You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2_.

"You know what, Louis? You always blame me for how everything ended. But I was never the one afraid of what people thought of me--I wanted the world to know I loved you. And I still do, you know. I never stopped. I was never able to, and some days I'm scared I won't ever love anyone as much as I loved you. I would have married you. I would have loved you for all of our lives. And you're the one who pulled away. You're the one who left. You're the one who couldn't take it and gave me away. So I'm done. I'm done trying to apologize. I'm done trying to fix things. I'm not done loving you, but I'm done regretting it and I'm done wasting my time on it. We can't be friends, you've made that clear enough. So... fuck you, Louis Tomlinson. Thanks for wasting eight years of my life."

* * *

 

_Hi, you've reached Harry Styles. I'm not taking any calls at the moment, so leave a message only if it's important._

"It is my fault. But I'm not going to apologize. You romanticize everything about us, but we were never going to work out like you wanted us to. So. Yeah, I broke it off. I'm happy now, Harry. If you ever loved me, don't ruin this for me."

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"We could have worked, Louis. I know you know that. You just didn't want it to. And that's why we didn't work. So. Fuck you."

* * *

 

_Hi, you've reached Harry Styles. I'm not taking any calls at the moment, so leave a message only if it's important._

"We didn't work because we weren't right. You left me as much as I left you."

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"In case you've forgotten, it takes two people for a relationship, but only one for a breakup. I sure as hell didn't break up with you, so... yeah. Just... why wouldn't we have worked, Louis? Why? Tell me that much, at least."

* * *

 

_Hi, you've reached Harry Styles. I'm not taking any calls at the moment, so leave a message only if it's important._

"Because we wanted different things. You wanted something I couldn't give you--I wanted something you couldn't give me. It's for the best that we ended it."

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"What did you want that was different from me, Louis? Because I would have done anything for you. You know that."

* * *

 

_Hi, you've reached Harry Styles. I'm not taking any calls at the moment, so leave a message only if it's important._

"Are we seriously doing this over voicemail? Stop calling me, Harry. If you're done, let it go. I'm not answering any more calls from you."

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"I'm calling you, Lou. You'd better pick up. Or I'll get Liam and Niall involved."

* * *

 

"Louis Tomlinson."

"Hey. It's me."

"I _do_ have caller ID, you know."

"I wouldn't know that. I haven't talked to you in four years now."

"And whose fault was that?"

"Yours, I'm pretty sure."

"Really? I thought the cold shoulder you've been giving me was a pretty clear sign of you wanting nothing to do with me."

"I thought you dumping me made it pretty clear what you wanted to have to do with me."

"I wanted to be _friends_ , Harry. You wanted to be _husbands_. Bit of a directional difference there. We definitely weren't going in one direction."

"Did you just make a One Direction joke?"

"I might've."

"..."

"...So, when are you coming to New York?"

"We'll be there Thursday morning. Liam's the first one out, at three on Friday, and then Zayn and I are both flying at five. Niall's going to drive back to LA."

"Have any plans?"

"Not really. Liam wants to see your show. Niall wants to go to Coney Island and enter an eating contest. Zayn wants to go on a bus tour of the city. Normal stuff."

"Harry, was there a point to this phone call?"

"I just wanted to know what went wrong."

"You're turning into that stalkerish ex, Harry. It's getting creepy."

"That didn't answer my question."

"What question? As far as I heard, you just gave me a statement."

"Louis."

"What?"

"You fell in love with someone else."

"What?"

"You fell in love with someone else, that's why you left, that's why we ended, you fell in love with someone who wasn't me!"

"Yes..."

"I get it now. You loved me. You loved someone else more."

" _Yes_..."

"...Is that all you're going to say?"

"What do you _want_ me to say, Harry?"

" _I'm sorry_? Or at least give me a name, or to have the common decency to tell me when you dumped me."

"I didn't fall in love right away, but...yeah, I fell in love with someone else, is all. It happens. I mean. You and I weren't working anyways, not in the way you wanted it to."

"What do you mean?"

"Harry, you're my best friend. Or. You were. I loved making you happy--I loved being with you. But I didn't like _being with you_."

"I don't get it."

"I loved you as a friend more than I loved you as a boyfriend. Don't get me wrong, the sex was great--but the relationship...it felt like we were trying for something that only one of us really wanted. You were happy, but I wasn't. Neither was Eleanor.  So I ended it. I swear I didn't mean to end the band, but...collateral damage. I think that's just what happens when one party's more in love than the other."

"It wasn't a divorce, though. Why didn't you still talk to the rest of them? Especially Liam?"

"Harry. They were always closer to you than to me. So when we split up...they just fell on your side. It's easier to be mad at the one who broke their best friend's heart. You were the quote-unquote innocent party, and they just found it easier to be mad at me."

"What's her name?"

"Sorry?"

"What's her name?"

"Harry."

"I deserve to know that much at least. You fell in love with someone else. A her. What's her name?"

"Harry..."

"Tell me."

"Charlotte. Charlie."

"Is she pretty?"

"Harry!"

"Just tell me!"

"Beautiful. She's in university to be a teacher. She's Eleanor's girlfriend's cousin. But she's smart, and funny and...I don't know. I just. She makes me happy."

"I'm glad. I wish it could have been me."

"Harry. There's no comparing you."

"Of course there's comparing us. You picked her over me, didn't you?"

"Drop it."

"How is she better than me?"

"Stop it, Harry. Stop it right now."

"What does she have that I didn't? How is she better? Why wasn't it me."

"If you're just going to tell me I'm stupid for loving someone else, I'm hanging up, Harry."

"I just want to know what she has that I didn't."

"Don't call me. Ever again."

"Alright. But-"

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"Goodbye, Lou. I love you."

* * *

 

**part xx: one more wrong turn**

_when we're this young we have nothing to lose it is just a clock to beat and a hand to choose it's a long drive back to Vegas skies so why don't i make one more wrong turn tonight_

* * *

 

Niall and Zayn were sitting outside waiting outside, sitting on the curb when Harry pulled back into the parking lot.

He'd cried for an hour after calling Louis, and he'd had to stop to refuel and drive two hours back to the hotel. It was nearing twelve noon--he'd been gone for several hours and the others had probably noticed immediately.

Harry parked the car and stepped out quietly, waiting for his lecture.

Instead, Niall and Zayn just stared at him sternly.

"I said goodbye to Lou. For forever." Harry's voice broke the silence. "I was done. So. I called him, and we played phone tag for a bit. But. I think I found closure."

"Oh, god, _Harry_." Niall pulled Harry into a hug. "I'm so sorry."

"You wanted us to work things out, didn't you?" Harry said quietly, not looking up from his phone. "You wanted us to go back to the way it was."

Zayn stared at Niall, wondering if that was really the motivation for this road trip.

"Of course I wanted you back together. I wanted my friends to be happy." Niall looked sad. "When you were together... it always looked like you'd never been happier. So. I tried to fix it. But that wasn't the point of this. The point was to see my friends."

Harry looked skeptical, but sighed. "Well, come on. Let's hit the road."

Six hours later--almost halfway to DC--Niall saw a classic American diner and pulled in. "Come on, dinner."

They piled into a booth, squishing together perhaps a little closer than absolutely necessary. It was subconscious, automatically providing physical comfort as they had during tours.

Harry looked happier, a bit more cheerful and a lot brighter. If Liam hadn't known better, he would have thought Harry was honestly better. But he did know better, and he knew exactly how much Harry was hurting right now.

Niall sipped contentedly at his glass of sweet tea. Everything was calm now--it likely wouldn't be in an hour or so.

When the waitress returned to take their order, Harry immediately ordered breakfast for dinner, while Niall requested a plate of chicken and waffles. Liam and Zayn stuck to more traditional burgers and chips.

They ate slowly, talking about easy topics. Liam watched Harry warily out of the corner of his eye, and snagged the check when it came time to leave.

Outside,  Harry took one look at the van, glanced back at the others, and burst into tears.

* * *

 

**part xxi: without leaving scars**

_complicated situations are the makings of all that's wrong and I've been standing in the river of deliverance way too long there's gotta be a better way for me to say what's on my heart without leaving scars_

* * *

 

_This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!_

"Hi Anne, Niall here. Harry just had a bit of a meltdown, he's better now, sleeping in the back, Zayn's driving. I think he just needed to vent."

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"Louis, we're on our way up to DC. Maybe see you in a day or so."

* * *

 

"Hello, Ms Swift?"

"I'm sorry, who is this and how did you get my phone number?"

"My name's Peter Wilkins, and I got your number from the call roll. No, don't hang up! I was just told to call you and tell you there are six tickets under the name T. Swift waiting at will-call for the eight o'clock showing of Mary Poppins on Thursday night."

"Sorry, what? _How_?"

"That's not part of my job, ma'am. I just know I'm to call you and inform you about the tickets waiting for you at will call for Thursday."

"Alright. Thank you?"

"Oh, and Ms Swift?"

"Yes?"

"There was a message with the tickets. I don't know what it means, but the note says ' _feel free to take the credit, but use these wisely and say hello to Z for me._ ' Mr Tomlinson was quite clear it be included."

"..."

"...Ms Swift?"

"I'll pick the tickets up on Thursday. What time does will call open?"

"Six, Ms Swift."

"Thank you...Peter, you said it was?"

"Yes, ma'am. It was my pleasure."

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"Louis...thank you. I just want to know...why are you doing this?"

* * *

 

_You've reached Taylor. I'm busy right now, so leave a message at the beep!_

"I'm doing it because they were my friends, and I know how much you loved Zayn. And I'd like to think that four years of mutual advice and two beach trips means that we're friends! Charlie sends her love, and I guess I do too. Take care, Taylor."

* * *

 

**part xxii: the sunset means so much**

_tonight the sunset means so much the one that that you know you never touch like the feeling the real thing gotta reach out for the sweet dream but somehow the darkness wakes me up_

* * *

 

"Hey, cliff, pull over," Zayn said.

"Zayn, there was a sign for a rest stop, if we go for one more mile you can pee in an actual toilet," Niall said, and didn't pull over. "Magic, I know."

"I wanted to throw wish stones, actually."

Niall made a sound of surprise and pulled over. "We haven't done that in ages."

"Well. We did it at the WMYB video, remember? They filmed it and put it in. And then again for Live While We're Young, and London Nights. And after that we sort of...split up? So. Not ages, but four years," Liam pitched in from the backseat. "I think I see some good pebbles anyways."

They all piled out of the van and found appropriately sized stones. Harry produced sharpies from his bag and they each scribbled a message on a rock.

Zayn took a photo of all four of their rocks together, and then they each chucked them out into the ocean.

"What did you wish for?" Niall asked, sitting down on the edge of the cliff.

"Against the rules, remember?" Liam shrugged, flicking little bits of rock. "But...I wished for Dani and I to get approved for adoption."

"To figure out my love life," Zayn admitted.

"What do you think?" Harry added. "And you, Niall?"

"Friends," Niall said simply, then looked at the road sign. "Wait, where are we-- _yes_!"

"Niall, what are you _doing_?" Liam asked when Niall suddenly got up and scrabbled for his phone in the driver's cup holder.

"We're near Virginia Beach!" he said excitedly, scrolling through his phone contacts. "One of my cousins moved here for university, I'm seeing if she's got plans or if we can all meet up!"

"You were _driving_ , how did you not know where we were already?" Liam said, gaping a little at Niall. "Suddenly the last two weeks seem really unsafe."

"I dunno, Zayn was giving directions and I was mostly just doing what I was told," Niall said. "Now shush, calling Rebecca."

"That's reassuring," Liam mumbled, and outright laughed when Niall flipped him off again.

* * *

 

As it turned out, Rebecca had a week long break after her midterms and was completely okay with meeting them for a late lunch and an afternoon on the beach.

They arranged a place to meet and she pulled in, hopping out of her Bug and tackling Niall into a hug. Right after, she flicked him on the ear.

"You never call," she scolded. "We live in the same country now, the least you could do is call every once in awhile."

"I called and I'm here in person," he said cheekily, and she cuffed him in the back of the head. "Hey!"

"You know what I meant," she said. "Now come on, I'm starving and this place down the block actually does really great fish and chips. Forward march!"

The fish and chips turned out to be as good as Rebecca had promised and they spent the afternoon goofing off on the beach.

"If you bury me again, I swear to God," Zayn said darkly, looking suspiciously at the shovels and buckets the girls had brought with them.

"We're making a sand castle," the tallest--Laurel--insisted. "We've got time, and the water's not great this time of year. So. Sand castle."

"Niall, get off the blanket!" Rebecca shrieked at her cousin, glaring as he sprawled out, taking up the whole piece of fabric. "Help me!" Liam and Zayn each grabbed sides of the blanket

"No, no no no no," Niall said when he realized what was going on, but it was too late--Zayn and Liam swung the blanket like a swing and sent Niall flying. "That _hurts_!" Niall whined, but it was in good humor.

Niall and Rebecca set to work bringing up buckets of semi-warm salt water while everyone else started construction on the giant monster of a castle they were building.

It was quickly decided that Zayn should not be anywhere near the construction.

"While you finish that sand castle, me and my pyromaniac tendencies are going to start a bonfire," Zayn said, backing away from the bucket of water that Harry threatened him with after Zayn accidentally caved in a side of the moat for the third time. "Also, have you noticed how many fires we've had in the past two weeks?"

"Just shut up and find some driftwood."

After the sun went down, one of Rebecca's friends produced a box of sparklers and borrowed Zayn's lighter to go with them.

Or more accurately, she stuck her hand in Zayn's pocket and retrieved the lighter herself, causing Zayn to jump in surprise and stare at her with suspicion for the rest of the night.

"We have a bonfire, why can't you light them in the fire?"

She just winked and Zayn hid behind Niall for the next hour.

Harry spent twenty minutes writing his name in sparkler light before remembering his camera and videotaping everyone else goofing off.

"This is going to look great in the video montage," he said happily, spinning and catching a good shot of the three girls spelling out W and M with their arms and sparklers. "W and M?"

"William and Mary!" The three girls yelled. Niall flopped back onto the sand, laughing. "It's our university!"

Eventually, when everyone was sleepily putting out the fire, Niall asked "Know of any good motels around here? We weren't planning on staying this late."

Rebecca rolled her eyes. "Crash at mine," she offered. "I haven't got enough beds for all of you, but there's a pullout couch and a blowup mattress and I don't think you mind sharing? My roommate's out of town to visit her family in Washington. It's small, but it's a flat, and not a dorm?"

"Thanks, Becks," Niall said. "Knew there was a reason you were my favorite cousin."

"Prove it by calling every once in awhile," she sniffed, but it was fond. "Come on, let's get everyone back home. It's about an hour drive."

* * *

 

Rebecca woke them the next morning at six, dashing through the apartment to gather her materials for an early morning class. She kissed Niall goodbye and waved at the three other sleepy men in her apartment, telling them to lock up when they left.

"That felt oddly like it should have involved a one night stand," Harry commented sleepily, and Niall threw pillows at him until Harry cried mercy and apologized.

They tidied up rapidly and were on their way by seven, stopping at a Dunkin Doughnuts for coffee and doughnuts.

"I miss tea," Zayn sighed, staring mournfully into his coffee cup. "What do Americans have against tea anyways?"

"Boston Tea Party?" Niall suggested. "You can't use tea to strip paint?"

" _Can_ you really use coffee to strip paint?" Liam asked, looking puzzled. He took a sip of his coffee and spat it out. "Okay, yeah, this coffee you probably could. Milk and sugar's over there, yeah?"

They devoured their breakfast and Liam slid into the driver's seat, having snagged the keys from a sleepy looking Harry while he flirted with the barista.

Four hours later, Liam was still driving when there was a sudden sound of metal scraping against rock from the back of the van and then a sudden burst of smoke from the hood.

Harry, who'd been dozing in the passenger seat, sat bolt upright and fumbled for his camera; Niall was jerked out of his conversation with Zayn, where they were apparently taking Harry's subdued state as a chance to discuss his show and its technical failings. It was a blatant attempt at trying to draw Harry into the conversation and was just as blatantly not working.

The smoke and the metal screeching jerked everyone out of their more subdued states. Liam managed to pull the car to the side of the road and they all hurriedly disembarked.

"Shit, I think we've got a flat, and then something happened to the engine. Battery, maybe?" Niall looked dubiously towards the engine, where grayish smoke was curling up towards the sky. "Probably should call for help."

"I agree," Zayn said quickly, watching the car warily. "Liam?"

"Thirded. Harry, what do you think?"

Harry didn't reply, looking down the road at a row of crosses. Suddenly, he was running towards them, and skidded to a stop, dropping to his knees beside one of them. The others followed him quickly, wondering if Harry had finally snapped.

"This is it," he said softly.  Understanding dawned in Zayn's eyes, then Niall's, and finally Liam's. "Like really, legitimately it. This is where..."

"We lost a lot more than we'd thought," Zayn finished lightly, although the way his hand shook as he dug in his pocket for his lighter and pack of cigarettes showed he thought nothing about this situation light.

"We'd lost a lot already," Niall countered, shakily sitting to Harry's left in front of the cross that read 'Josh Devine'. "But this is where we lost Josh."

"We lost Josh, Maddie, Matt and Brianna here," Liam corrected. "Not just Josh." He sat at the cross farthest away and ran his fingers over the name--Madeline Nadine Christensen. He traced over her birth and death dates as he said, "No one ever figured out why."

All four of them glanced at each other and then looked away, guilt written over their faces. It had been one of their first screaming matches that had contributed to the crash. A rainy foggy night had been cited as the official cause, but they all knew it was because they'd been fighting--Zayn and Harry versus Louis and Liam, with Niall trying to hold the middle ground--and had distracted the driver. They'd been travelling in a small van because the tour bus had gotten a flat tire, and when Matt, their driver, turned around to yell at them to stop and had failed to notice the techie/backup band van ahead of them slamming on the brakes. Their van had crashed into the other van and both vehicles had spun out, sending them flying off the road at fifty miles an hour.

Harry ended up with a broken arm; Liam and Louis both had concussions, Liam with an additional set of cracked ribs and Louis with a cracked skull. Niall, miraculously, was completely unharmed, other than a few bruises. Zayn, on the other hand, wound up in critical condition for four days, as were Josh, Paul, and their keyboardist, Brianna. Maddie and Matt, the two drivers, were dead on impact. The other three people in the vans had various broken limbs and injuries.

"That was bullshit, we all know it," Harry muttered. "It was because Louis and I were fighting." He shrugged. "Our first big fight. Beginning of the end, really. For all of us."

"Put a bit of a damper on the tour," Zayn said, trying to steer the conversation away from Louis, even after Harry had explained his level of closure. "Remember how we all wore black armbands for the rest of it?"

"Zayn got his memorial tattoo--the clover, right, Zayn?" Niall alone sat in front of Josh's cross and watched as Zayn sat in front of Matthew Heth's memorial stone--as he'd been atheist, his family had refused a cross and instead painted a rock with vibrant colors. "With the initials?"

Zayn nodded and pushed up his sleeve. His tattoos had expanded to an entire sleeve up his right arm, but in the crook of his elbow, there was a four leaf clover with the initials of the four dead.  "I remember being really glad Taylor and my sisters had gone home the night before. During the fight, and then after, when I woke up."

"It's been five years now," Liam said softly, his hand still tracing over letters and numbers. He checked his watch. "Five years exactly today, actually. How come no one's come visit?"

"I go to Josh and Maddie's graves on the anniversary," Zayn said. He exhaled slowly, fingers tapping out a drumbeat Niall recognized as one of Josh's favorites in jam sessions. "I never thought about coming to where they actually died, if I'm honest. Not like they're here now, is it?"

The four of them sat there by the side of the road. Harry murmured what could have been a prayer; Niall definitely whispered at least one rosary (despite having not practiced for nearly a decade, he had still been raised Catholic and fell into the familiar ritual of prayer when upset); Zayn kept tapping Josh's drumbeat; Liam hummed a strain of 'If I Die Young'--or at least he did until Zayn elbowed him to stop.

"Does anyone remember what we were actually fighting about?" Niall asked. "I don't."

No one replied, lost in thought. An indeterminate amount of time later--it could have been five minutes or five hours, Niall wasn't sure--Harry spoke.

"Do you think it's fate or something?"

"What do you mean?" Liam didn't look up, but a wrinkle in his forehead betrayed thought.

"What are the chances that our van breaks down on the exactly six year anniversary, ten meters from the crash site?" Harry said, looking away from the cross. "And that it'd be the four of us when there were four of them that died? It's even the same time of day. Like... there's got to be a reason for it."

Zayn snorted. "I doubt it."

It was the first time Niall could remember Zayn arguing counter to Harry and the thought threw him.

Luckily, Liam stepped in before anything could escalate.

"Did anyone actually call the rental place or whatever for help?"

"Actually, it's just a flat tire," Harry said cheerfully. "I can fix that easily enough."

"And the smoke from the engine?"

"That I _can't_ fix. Never finished mechanics lessons with Clarisse." Everyone turned to stare at him. "What?"

"The really tiny French girl who plays keyboards in your band?" Niall finally asked slowly. "The one who looks like she couldn't lift a five pound weight?"

Harry frowned. "Yeah, she's a certified mechanic. Our bus hasn't broken down--ever. We're up to changing oil!" he said proudly, beaming. "I can do basic maintenance for my car and stuff."

"Does Tyson embroider?" Zayn joked. Tyson was _Skyscraper Love's_ drummer, who towered over Harry by at least a head and was frequently mistaken for an on-leave soldier. The idea of him embroidering was enough to send Niall into laughter and have Liam hiding giggles behind a hand.

"Yeah, actually," Harry said brightly, pushing to his feet and heading for the van. "Well. Cross-stitch. I'm told they're very different things, but I don't understand it." He flipped open the hood and waved away the smoke. "Well, I have no idea how to fix this." He looked over at Niall. "You have insurance or something?"

"I'll call Triple A," Niall put in. "Get the van towed, and then take Amtrak up to New York. It's only like a couple hours ride from DC, it think, and that's only half an hour back in a car."

"What's--" Zayn began, but Niall cut him off.

"Triple A does car help and shit. Amtrak is a train company." He rolled his eyes. "Proud Irishman, familiar with American terms. What's the world coming to?"

"You're losing your accent too," Liam teased, and shrieked, jumping out of the way when Niall decided to go after him with a sharpie he'd had in his pockets.

Zayn and Harry exchanged exasperated looks and decided to sit in the van until Niall and Liam had suitably mauled each other enough and remembered to phone for help.

* * *

 

**part xxiii: everything is alright**

_tell me that you're alright hi everything's great yeah everything is alright everything's fine oh please tell me that you're alright_

* * *

 

_You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!_

"Hi, Danielle, it's Liam. I know you're teaching a class right now, but I just wanted to let you know that we had a minor accident with the van and we'll be taking the train up to New York instead. Everyone's fine, though. The weird thing was that we crashed about ten meters from where our vans crashed...remember when Josh died? It was right there, and it was so strange. I don't really want to think about it, though. If you want to fly out to New York and see the lads again, I'm sure they'd welcome you. I miss you so much. See you in three days!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Liam Payne's mobile phone. I'm sorry I missed your call, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is Danielle, I love you. If this is anyone else, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!_

"Hey, honey! I guess I just barely missed your call, and I guess you switched your phone off after you called me. I'm glad everyone's alright, and I'm sure you'll have fun in New York. I don't think I'll fly out to meet you, I'm doing well here. I think the paps have finally caught on that you're not here though. I think you said something else but I can't remember now. Love you lots, miss you loads, kisses!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"Hey Louis, it's Niall! We had some car troubles, so we'll be taking the train into New York. We'll be there tomorrow, if you want to meet up. I guess...if you want to set anything up, you know how to contact us. I don't know what you said to Harry, but he seems better now. We miss you, mate."

* * *

 

_This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!_

"Sorry I didn't call you back earlier, Mum. I meant to, but then stuff happened, and...I never got around to it? Anyways, I know it's like 4 AM in England, but I just wanted to call and say I'm doing alright. We had a bit of a car accident--don't worry, we're all fine--but we're going up to New York this weekend, and I was wondering if I could spend my next break with you? I just realized I haven't been home in ages. Love you!"

* * *

 

_You've reached Gemma Styles-Harris. I'm not keeping my phone on because Alan wakes really easily and sleep is very, very precious. Leave a message at the beep and I will get back to you as soon as possible!_

"Sorry about not calling you earlier, Gem. I had a long talk with Louis this morning, and then we had car trouble, so this was really the first opportunity I had to call. I called Mum first though, sorry. Tell Alan Uncle Harry says hello, and that I've got presents for him!  I'm doing fine, finally got some closure, so everything's going well. I'll have my phone on tomorrow, so if you want to call me then we can chat. Love you lots!"

* * *

 

_Hello! Due to the breakdown of the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 555-1818 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave a name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins._

"Harry...really. Change your voicemail. Gemma and I love you, we're glad you're alright. You're always welcome at my house, love. Your old room's still exactly the same, although you might not want that. But I love you, and no matter what happens in New York, I'll always love you. Sleep well, love."

* * *

 

_Hello! Due to the breakdown of the 452nd truce, the inhabitants of village 555-1818 are cowering in their bomb shelters. However, if you leave a name, number, and a message, any survivors will get back to you when the 453rd truce begins._

"Harry! It's Cher! You missed a fantastic festival, wish you could have been here. When you get back, call me and we'll find a time when we're in the same city and we'll go out for coffee. Send the others my love!"

* * *

 

**part xxiv:  things weren't like they are**

_we've fallen apart somewhere back at the start when we thought that we could fix each other by ourselves let's get back to the part when things weren't like they are_

* * *

 

The train ride was quiet and not too long. After dealing with the mechanics, the only train they could catch was past 10 at night, and as a result, they were all worn out. Their car was mostly empty, just them and a few others in various stages of sleep.

Zayn was talking quietly on the phone--to Taylor, Rosie, or his mother, Niall wasn't sure. Whoever it was, they were female and one of the most important people in Zayn's life, so Niall tried not to listen into what was pretty clearly a private conversation. Liam was curled up, fast asleep against the window. His feet nudged Zayn's thigh and his hair flopped over his forehead and eyes. Harry too, dozed, although he was in the seat next to the isle, his head resting on Niall's shoulder.

Niall watched as the world flashed by outside, the American version of a countryside. It wasn't as green as Ireland--nowhere was as green as Ireland in the spring--but it was greener than his home in LA. That sort of made him miss Ireland, which, he realized with a shock, he no longer considered his home. It hasn't been home for a long time. At least since the split, so four years. When he thought about it further, he realized it hadn't really been home since One Direction had formed--eight years, then. Maybe home was people, he wondered. The people you loved and wanted to give the world to.

But that definition would mean Louis was Harry's home, and that didn't seem right.

Harry stirred them and nudged Niall's side. "What're you thinking about?"

Niall shrugged, watching the landscape slowly morph from fields and forest into the outskirts of a town. They were probably going to stop soon, or they might just blaze right through.  "Wondering. What do you think home is?"

Harry yawned and blinked sleepily. "Safety."

"Safety?"

"Yeah. Where you feel loved and wanted, where the people care about you and you care about them, and they know all your faults and don't care. It's where you don't have to put up a front." He smiled wryly. "My home's scattered everywhere right about now. But I've got Mum, and Gem, so I'm pretty alright. And the rest of _Skyscraper Love_." Harry grinned, fully awake now. "Home was Louis, for awhile, and the rest of you lads. I think home's always changing, then. What brought this on?"

"I was just wondering why I didn't feel like Ireland was home anymore," Niall said. The train horn blew and they began to slow--definitely a stop, then. "And why you three didn't feel like home either."

"We're different people," Harry said plainly. "Four years with different people surrounding us...our brains might not realize it, but our hearts do. We're not the same people  we were, so home's not together anymore."

Niall considered this, then accepted it, nodding. "When'd you get so smart?"

Harry laughed, sitting fully upright. Niall immediately began to miss the warmth against his side--the train was a bit chilly and he was too lazy to get his jumper out of his suitcase. Zayn gave them a curious look but kept the majority of his attention focused on his phone call.

"Probably about the time I realized I was never going to get Louis back," Harry said, reaching for one of the now-cold cups of coffee on the table between himself and Zayn. "I don't think I was this wise when I left Seattle."

"So you're really actually over it, then?"

The taller man shook his head, setting back into his seat with his coffee. He ran his empty hand through his curls, sighing. "Not really. But I know it's hopeless now. He loves someone else, and so I can stop waiting for him to come back. I didn't even realize I was doing it, but I was, and I can be happier now. He's got a girlfriend now anyways. Met her through Eleanor."

"They're still friends, then?" Niall grinned, glad to be hearing about Louis and knowing that this conversation wasn't going to send Harry off the rails.

"Apparently." Harry sighed. "Even when she was bearding, they just...got along really well, remember? But _her_ girlfriend would have killed Louis if he ever actually tried anything with her."

Niall laughed and nodded agreement; he'd only met Eleanor's tenacious girlfriend once, but once had been plenty enough. She hadn't been too pleased about Eleanor bearding, but she got over it once Louis and Harry broke up and Eleanor "broke up" with Louis publicly.

"He really loves Charlie, though--I could hear it in his voice." Harry's own voice was tinged with sadness, admitting that he'd heard love he'd always wanted directed at him directed at someone else. "So he's happy, and that makes me happy." He smiled. "Enough about me. I've bared my soul to you; your turn. What's the real reason behind this little trip? I'm not going to let it go until you tell me everything. I don't believe a word of the bullshit you told us yesterday."

Niall looked out the window and was quiet until the train pulled to a complete stop. Somewhere behind them, someone began to pull their luggage down from the rack in preparation to disembark.

"Remember how I told you about my girlfriend?" he said quietly. "How it was only a short-term thing?"

"Yeah?"

"I lied. I'd marry her if I could."

"So why don't you?"

"She's got cancer," Niall said in a rush, as if he didn't want to say the words but had to anyways. "Breast cancer. Late stages. I asked her to marry me, and she said no. Said she wouldn't do that to me. Then she said we should take a few weeks off, clear our heads. Technically we're not dating now. I was always going to do a road trip, I just didn't want to do it alone."

"So you called us," Harry realized. "You were upset and called the only people you could think of that had always made you feel better--not your biological family, your parents divorced when you were little and your brother...well, we all know how that went. Your LA friends--and Ed too, I'd bet--know your girlfriend. You wouldn't really be getting away from it. In fact, everyone would pity you because you were the guy with the sick girlfriend who didn't want him around. So you called us. You had no idea if we'd say yes or no--but we did." Harry grinned like the cat who'd gotten into the cream. Or perhaps Zayn when he managed to sneak naps on tour. "Am I right?"

"Pretty much," Niall admitted.

"I am _wasted_ as a popstar, I should be a psychologist!" Harry crowed, then immediately looked sheepish when Zayn glared at him and Niall looked a bit put out. "Sorry."

"No, you were right. And it mostly worked, didn't it? I haven't been as sad as I was. I've laughed even. And I wasn't lying about wanting you to be happy, cos I get it now. I get why you were so hurt when it ended between you and Louis. I figured...I figured if A..." he swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. "I figured if Annabelle and I couldn't have the happy ending, maybe you and Louis could."

"We're not going to get back together, you know," Harry said quietly. "Just like One Direction's not going to get back together. Different people, remember?"

"I never thought we would." Niall exhaled slowly and glanced at the window, to the mostly empty station, where a tired mother was herding her sleepy children on board the train. Behind her, the harried looking father tried to manage three suitcases. "We're all too old for it anyways. But we could still be friends, couldn't we?"

"I guess we could." Harry shrugged. "Don't know how well it'd work. I mean. We're all busy, all in different places. You ever think we were just friends because there was no one else we could have as friends? Like...no one else would understand, and we didn't have time for anyone else in the first place. That was why Danielle and Liam broke up in the first place."

"They got back together," Niall pointed out, watching the family on the platform until they disappeared into a car behind them. "Even got married. Plan to have kids."

Harry laughed. "Yeah, true. But they had the opposite problem the band did. They were compatible but didn't have time for each other--we weren't compatible but had to spend time together, so we got over the fights we got into, just because we had to. I mean. Did that make sense?"

"Yeah, actually." Niall jumped as the train whistle blew, and then again five seconds later when the train lurched forward. "Life's boring if you're only ever around people you always get along with."

Harry stuck his tongue out childishly. "I bet you and...Annabelle, right?" He waited for Niall to nod confirmation. "I bet you and Annabelle get into some pretty interesting fights."

"If by interesting you mean loud, passionate, entirely pointless and usually ending in sex, then yes. We have very interesting fights."

"What ends in sex?" Zayn asked, finally hanging up the phone. "Do I _want_ to know?"

There was absolutely nothing funny about it, but Harry and Niall both burst out laughing, loud enough to wake Liam and prompt the other passengers to shush them. They managed to quiet for a few seconds before glancing at each other and dissolving into half-hysterical laughter again. Liam began to giggle, and then Zayn, and none of them managed to calm down until they were well into the countryside once more.

"So, how would you guys feel about meeting up with Taylor Swift to see Louis' show in New York?" Zayn asked. "She's got tickets for all of us, presuming Louis hasn't put us on a DNA list. Does Broadway even have a DNA lists? Who'd even _be_ on a Broadway DNA list?"

"If we're on a Broadway Do Not Admit list, I will ask for a copy and fucking _frame_ that shit," Niall said immediately. "Like your non-existent restraining order, because that would be fucking _awesome_  and you know it, don't you dare try to tell me otherwise. Also...Taylor? Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"It's just to clear the air," Zayn explained. "So. Are you up for it?"

Niall and Harry exchanged glances, then turned to Liam, who threw his hands up in the air. "Hell, why not. Can't be worse than Vegas."

"Famous last words," Harry and Niall chorused, but Zayn and Liam simply laughed it off. It would be difficult to top Vegas.

* * *

 

**part xxv: what's left now**

_sing me to sleep i'll see you in my dreams waiting to say "i miss you i'm so sorry" forever's never seemed so long as when you're not around it's like a piece of me is missing i could have learned so much from you but what's left now_?

* * *

 

_You've reached Taylor. I'm busy right now, so leave a message at the beep!_

"Hi, Taylor, it's Zayn. We're just pulling into New York right now, so...see you tonight? We'll meet you outside the theatre at seven, okay? Take care."

* * *

 

_You've reached Louis Tomlinson's phone. He's unavailable to take your message at the moment. If you'd like to leave a callback number, press 1. If you'd like to leave a message, press 2._

"It's Niall, we're in New York. We're coming to see your show tonight, somehow Taylor got tickets and invited us for whatever reason? And Zayn's okay with it, so we're coming. If you're going to block us at the door, let us know and we won't show up."

* * *

 

"Hello, Danielle Peazer speaking."

"Dani! You're actually on the phone?"

"Oh, hi, Liam! Yeah, it's only ten at night. I'm on my way home from a girls' night with Zoe."

"...you're going home from a girl's night with Zoe at ten?"

"She and her boyfriend broke up. It quickly turned into a bitchfest about boyfriends who left. I wasn't comfortable talking about it so I left Zoe and Britt discussing the shortcomings of their exes. I'm just walking in the front door right now."

"So you're doing well then?"

"Yeah. A little tipsy--oh, for God's sake Liam, it was a glass of wine. I'm fine to drive. Don't give me the sigh of disapproval."

"Sigh of disapproval?"

"Yeah, Niall and I decided to name it the sigh of disapproval. It's when you sigh right before you start a lecture."

"I'm not even going to comment on that."

"Good, I don't want you to. How's the trip up to New York?"

"We just arrived."

"Oh, good! Do you know where you're staying?"

"Not yet."

"Well, let me know when you figure it out. Text me. I like hearing from you."

"I'd have thought you'd be sick of my phone calls by now."

"Not really. Anything else going on?"

"Well, we got tickets to see Louis' show."

"I thought it was sold out for months?"

"We thought so too, but Taylor Swift managed to get a set of tickets and she invited all of us, which. That was a surprise."

"I'd bet. I liked Taylor, but...how's Zayn taking it?"

"Actually pretty well. He and Taylor were talking on the phone for awhile, sorting stuff out. I think they're going to try again."

"That's either going to end with them getting married again or an actual restraining order this time. How's Harry doing?"

"Better than he was, which is nice."

"And Niall?"

"Still Niall. No other way to describe him."

"You're right there. You'll be back in two days, yeah?"

"I fly out tomorrow and I should be back home by day after tomorrow."

"I'll be waiting. I should probably go, leftover Thai is calling to me from the fridge."

"Go eat. I'll see you in two days."

"Love you."

"Love you too, bye."

* * *

 

**part xxvi: 7x70 times**

_god picked up my heart and helped me though and shined a light on the one thing left to do and that's forgive you i forgive you 7 x 70 times if that's the cost i'll pay the price_

* * *

 

Stepping off the train, into the cool early morning air of New York, everything  felt like a fresh start.

"What do you want to do first?" Harry asked, stretching. "It's, what...one in the morning? Sixteen hours or so until Louis' show."

"I don't know about you, but I want to find a hotel and crash for a few hours," Niall said, yawning. "And shower. A shower would be really nice right about now."

"I second that motion," Liam said, sleepily raising his hand. "Sleep."

"Zayn?"

They all turned to look at Zayn, who appeared to be sleeping while leaning against a lamppost. He didn't stir even when Harry poked him.

"That answers _that_ question, then."

They managed to rouse Zayn with a cup of coffee and found their way to a hotel nearby.

There was only one room, with two queen beds open, but they didn't care. They'd slept in closer quarters on tour, so it wasn't really a problem.

They made it up to the room, piled into the beds and fell sound asleep, not even bothering to change into pajamas.

* * *

 

It wasn't until they were all dressed for the show that they all noticed Harry was sitting on the side of his bed, picking at his jeans and looking like he was about to make a run for it.

"What's wrong, Hazmat?" Zayn asked, still fixing his hair in the mirror. He was the most visibly nervous, probably at the fact that he was going to see two of his ghosts tonight, and he had no idea how either would react.

"I think...I shouldn't go," Harry said quietly. "You know how I get when I see Louis perform. And his girlfriend is undoubtedly there, and I just don't think I should go."

"What are you going to do for five hours, then?" Zayn asked.

"There's a movie theatre a block away, I'll go see the new action flick with what's-his-name that just came out, and meet you here afterwards."

Niall and Liam both tried to convince Harry to come with them, but he was resolute. Eventually, they had to leave or be late to the theatre to meet Taylor, and that was something Zayn was adamantly not doing.

Taylor was waiting in the lobby, her hair tucked under a beanie with flat ironed bangs almost long enough to hide her eyes. Like them, she'd dressed down, wearing a cardigan and semi-nice blouse over jeans and converse.

"I figured we'd escape notice if I looked like a grad student doing this for a film study class," she admitted when Zayn commented on her clothes. "I guess we all had the same idea."

"Hopefully we won't get kicked out for dress code."

Taylor rolled her eyes at Niall's comment. "Niall, this is New York. We're not even the least dressy people here. They're not going to comment on us." She took a long look at Liam and his green hair. "They might comment on Liam."

Liam grumbled goodheartedly. "Not my fault it's green and I haven't had time to dye it back yet."

"You secretly like having green hair," Niall teased, and jumped out of reach when Liam swatted at him."Hey!"

They all filed into the theatre, and Taylor frowned. "Where's Danielle and Harry?"

"Danielle didn't come on the trip," Liam said, his tone turning the statement into a question. "And Harry didn't want to come."

"Oh. Well, I've got two extra tickets then."

"That reminds me: how did you get tickets this late? I thought the show was sold-out?" Zayn asked.

"That's the weird part," Taylor said, passing out individual tickets to each person. She looked vaguely guilty. "Three days ago, I got a call from a guy named Peter. Said there were six tickets waiting for me at will call, and to use them wisely. Also, to say hello to Z, which is what convinced me it wasn't a trick. Any idea what's going on there?"

"Not a clue," Zayn said, forehead furrowing in thought. "I thought we might have been banned from the theatre because it would be just like Louis to put us on some sort of Broadway DNA list, but having tickets at will call? That's not something I'd expect."

Taylor reached up and smoothed his forehead with a fingertip. "Hey, we're here, you're seeing Mary Poppins where one of your best friends is performing. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, right?"

"Right." Zayn smiled. "I missed you, Tee."

"And that's why we divorced?"

"We were both responsible for that," Zayn said quietly. "We were too young."

"I'll accept that." Taylor was the one to smile this time, and she tucked her hand into the crook of Zayn's arm. "As long as you don't shut me out again."

"I won't. Come on, let's go find our seats."

It turned out their seats were actually really good, which made Niall's eyebrows raise in confusion.

Taylor shrugged. "Celebrity?" she offered and flopped rather ungracefully into her seat.

It wasn't too long before the show started, and then there was Louis, as Bert, facing the crowd, beaming and proudly belting out his lines. He seemed to make eye contact with Niall and grinned wider--although there were a thousand people in that audience and the lights on stage were bright. There was no way for Niall to be sure it was him Louis was grinning at. But it was clear how much Louis loved this, and that was nice to know.

After the show, when the theatre started to empty and they getting ready to exit--they'd all decided to sit and waited for the majority of the theatre to leave first--an usher came up to them and said something quietly to Niall.

"What do you think's going on?" Taylor asked Zayn softly. She hadn't talked much since they met up in the theatre lobby, only talking quietly to Zayn and watching the show without moving, much less speaking. "You were joking about the Broadway DNA list, weren't you?" She was fighting a smile though, which Zayn chalked up to her finding the whole situation funny.

"I thought I was," Zayn said back, shrugging helplessly at her. "Although. If we were on a DNA list you'd think they'd have stopped us at the door. Or kicked us out at Intermission."

"Lads, we've been requested us to go backstage," Niall said over his shoulder. "Taylor, you don't have to come."

Taylor raised her eyebrows, grinning now. "Are you kidding? I'm the one who invited you to come. I'm going with you."

"We're gonna get chewed out," Liam muttered. Taylor snorted out a laugh that she immediately covered with her hand. "Hang on, let me call Harry, let him know we'll be late. How long do you think it'll take?"

They followed the usher through a side door and down a maze of hallways that seemed to make no logical sense ("we took four left turns, how are we not back where we started?" Zayn asked, but they were all too familiar with confusing backstage layouts to actually dignify his question with a response) until they came across Louis in shorts and a t-shirt, hair and makeup still done, wrestling to get free of two slim brunette pre-teens, the kids who played Jane and Michael, if Niall's memory served.

Liam stayed near the back of the group, talking quietly to Harry, reassuring him that they were in fact alive, they'd just be a little late getting back to the hotel, and then describing the show.

"Hayley, Jake, yes, we made it through another performance, you weren't this bad opening night--Jake, _get off me_!" Louis sank dramatically to the ground, the kids laughing and sitting on him. "Becky and Claire and James and Andrew aren't this bad after shows!"

"That's because we're _better_ than Becky and Claire and James and Andrew," the boy said proudly. Niall recognized the signs of performance high and how it hadn't quite worn off for the boy yet.

"Are you gonna come watch horror movies with us tonight?" the girl asked, turning puppy eyes on him. "You said you would!"

"Not tonight, I've got plans with Charlie, but I promise I'll come with you after your next rotation. Sound good?"

"It'll do," the two kids chorused together, then helped Louis back to his feet.

"We're watching Kill Bill tonight," the boy said, as if that would change Louis' mind.

"I will never understand why you two watch horror movies after performing in Mary Poppins," Louis said, shaking his head and ruffling a hand through the boy's hair. "Makes no sense to me."

"Why _shouldn't_ we?"

The usher cleared his throat. "Mr Tomlinson?"

The only warning they had was a surprised yelp before Niall and Zayn were tackled into a hug.

"Lads!"

"Harry, I'll call you back," Liam said slowly, and hung up the phone. "Louis? What are you doing?"

"You came! I wasn't sure if you would." Louis wrapped Liam in a hug of his own.

This was such a complete reversal of what they had all been expecting no one was able to reply for a minute. Louis didn't seem to mind, introducing the two kids to them.

"Lads, this is Hayley and Jake, Hayley and Jake, this is Niall, Zayn, Liam and Taylor." He looked around, as if expecting a head of curly hair to pop out of nowhere. "Harry's not here."

"Harry...didn't want to come," Niall said hesitantly. No one really wanted to say it, but someone had to.

"To the show, or backstage?"

"To the show. He said something about wanting closure."

The kids tugged on Louis' sleeve and bid him goodbye after making him promise to watch horror movies with them after their next show.

"They seem nice," Zayn said, for lack of anything else to say.

"They're good kids," Louis said. "Great at what they do, and fun to be around. All six of them, actually. But Hayley and Jake are my favorites." He looked around hurriedly. "Don't tell anyone I said that."

"Louis! There you are, I was wondering where you'd wandered off to!" A slim woman with wildly curly blonde hair came up behind them and threw her arms around Louis' neck. She kissed him on the cheek, beaming widely. She waved at everyone else. "Hi, I'm Charlie, Louis' girlfriend."

Niall and Taylor were the only ones not surprised by this; he stepped forward and shook her hand. "Nice to meet you. Harry mentioned you."

"He did?" Zayn asked, blinking rapidly. "When?"

"On the train. You were on the phone. Liam was snoring."

"I was not!"

"No, but you were pretty sound asleep and making quite frankly terrifying noises," Niall said cheerfully. "He seemed...okay with it, which was what was more weird."

Louis didn't look surprised by that; instead, he looked happy.

"That's great," he said brightly, and proceeded to ask everyone how their lives had gone as if he hadn't ignored all of them for the past four years, happily hugging Taylor and asking after her life as well, although it became increasingly obvious that Taylor and Louis had remained friends after everything fell apart.

Liam's phone buzzed, and he flicked open a text. "Oh, hell. Louis, do you know how to get out the front of the theatre without drawing too much attention?"

"Oh, yeah. I can take you, just let me put on street clothes and sign out first. Charlie, do you mind?"

"Not at all."

There was awkward small talk until Louis reemerged in a battered hoodie and jeans, Toms on his feet and a beanie covering his hair.

Harry was waiting outside and immediately ambushed Liam the second the elder entered his line of sight. "Liam, when you hung up I figured I'd better come and make sure you weren't in police custody or someth--Louis?"

"Hi, Harry."

Harry looked like he was torn between throwing himself at Louis and running as far away as possible. Niall put a hand on his shoulder and held him in place.

"Hi, Louis."

"You didn't come to see the show."

"Nah...I went to go see a film. Action flick." Harry was slowly relaxing but was still obviously on guard.

"Oh come on, movies over Broadway? You don't know what you're missing out on, mate."

Harry sighed, apparently deciding to drop the small talk facade. "I thought you didn't want to talk to me ever again."

Louis looked sheepish. "No, I wanted you to stop bugging me about getting back together. I still wanted to be friends, remember? You sort of...shot that plan to hell when you moved to California." Louis looked at Harry, and then at his girlfriend. He pondered something briefly, then made a decision. "Harry, would you like to go out for dinner, talk some, clear up some misunderstandings? Probably wouldn't be a good idea to talk here."

"Bit late for dinner isn't it?" Harry fired back, but there was a softness to his features alongside the wariness. "More like midnight snacks and dessert, I'd say."

"That's true." Louis adjusted his bag strap. "So...yes, or no?"

"Only if the others come along. Especially Niall and...Charlie, yeah?" She nodded. "Only if the others, but especially Niall and Charlie come along." Harry shrugged. "Middle ground."

"You all in?" There were various nods of agreement in varying degrees of apprehension.

"Great." Louis smiled. "I know this fantastic diner only a few blocks from here. You mind walking a bit?"

No one did, so they all set off into the streets of New York. There was obvious tension the whole way, Harry determinedly not looking at Louis or Charlie. Louis, for his part, looked vaguely hurt and a little confused. Niall and Charlie made awkward small talk, while Liam, Taylor, and Zayn walked behind them, eyeing the rest of the group as if they expected a fistfight to break out.

Which, remembering the last time all five of them had been together, was a definite possibility.

The diner was small and mostly empty--not entirely surprising considering that it was almost midnight. They all clambered into a booth and ordered industrial amounts of coffee, as well as slices of the delicious looking cake sitting on the counter. Louis and Charlie both ordered burgers and fries as well, explaining they hadn't eaten before the show.

They drank coffee and ate the cake (or in Louis and Charlie's case, their food) until finally, Harry set down his coffee cup. "You wanted to talk, Louis. So...talk."

And Louis did. He told them of the way his life had gone, and the things he'd done since he'd seen them last. Charlie smiled and added her own parts, but for the most part, it was Louis who talked. He told of the big things, how his mother had died and only Eleanor had come along to the funeral, of how he'd succeeded at first one small role and then another, until he finally landed a lead role. He told of little things, like how he'd found the little diner where they were eating now, and how Eleanor had introduced him to Charlie at a part. He told of how he'd wake in the morning to hear sirens and the sounds of New York waking up, and how it wasn't the same as waking up on the tour bus with the rest of them.

He talked about being alone and making his own way, and how some days he missed them so much it physically hurt. He talked about days he was alone, and days he had to be medicated. He talked, until there was nothing left to say.

Then it was Harry's turn. He talked about California sunrises and late night tapings. He talked about long days in the studio with his band and concerts that never seemed to last long enough.

He talked about the others, too. How Zayn had seemed so angry, but it was only ever fear. How Niall still fell in love it was practically guaranteed to hurt him but happened so rarely it wasn't ever a problem. How Liam was still Liam, the stupidest in simple matters but somehow the wisest person any of them knew. How they still had secrets, and how easily those secrets were shared. He talked about the Google alerts he'd set up on his phone, one for each of them, so he'd always known when something big was happening for them.

He told them of how he'd always tried to send emails or texts or even make phone calls but had never known what to say, how he felt guilty for destroying the best thing that had happened to any of them. He talked about how his new band wasn't a replacement, but sometimes how Clarisse would look at him with pity and maybe sorrow. How Tyson would make jokes that would sometimes hit a little too close to home, and how Emma kept them all together even though the whole band was falling apart at the seams.

And he finally told them of how it had taken him five years, a roadtrip, seeing old friends and running away from his life for him to realize he was finally ready to begin getting over Louis.

When he was done, he realized that everyone was crammed around the table like old times. Sure, there were two new faces in the form of Charlie and Taylor, but they were still there together, as if nothing at all had changed, as if it hadn't been four years since they'd last been like this together. Louis and his girlfriend, tucked together and smiling, because Louis was never the type to hide his emotions and apparently neither was Charlie;  Zayn and Taylor turned into each other, Zayn sealed off and Taylor with her bleeding heart, sharing a mug of coffee although there was another set on the table in front of Zayn; Niall, leaning forward on his elbows and absentmindedly stirring his drink, staring wistfully at his phone as if it would ring even though it was powered off, pressed against Liam, who was signaling a waitress to ask for more cake; and he wondered, why had they ever given this up?

"Because good things give way to make room for better ones," Charlie said softly and kindly, in a way that no one else at the table seemed to have heard, and Harry realized he'd said that aloud. "Feel better?"

"Not really."

"That happens," Charlie said, and looked at Louis, as if to make sure she wasn't overstepping. "Heartbreak takes a long time to heal." She chuffed, a grin spreading across her face. "I'm sorry I took him from you. He's a catch, and you were always good together."

"It still ended for me," Harry said. He drank from his coffee mug, just to give him something to do.

"And you've got the world and your life ahead of you, don't you?" Charlie pushed the coffee pot towards him when it became clear there was no more liquid in Harry's cup. "So Louis wasn't the one for you--somewhere out there, someone is exactly perfect for you. It'll just take time."

At the end of the night, when it was nearing four in the morning and they've all drunk enough coffee and eaten enough cake that they're nowhere near tired, Harry might be friends with Charlie. They didn't have much in common other than loving Louis, but somehow that's enough. Charlie was more like Hannah than Eleanor and as different from Harry as humanly possible, but she clearly made Louis happy--so Harry made the conscious decision to let her win. He deleted Louis' number but replaced it with Charlie's, and knew he'd never use it. He wasn't over it, but he knew now, he would be.

Niall rested his head on Harry's shoulder as they exited the diner into the pinkish-grey sunrise, much to the relief of the owner.

"You feel like writing a song, don't you?"

"Actually, no. I just want to go home for awhile."

"Fair enough."

Niall hummed a faint tune as they parted way from Louis and Charlie, then started the walk back to their hotel to change clothes and shower. They all pretended not to notice how Taylor and Zayn slowly slipped away from the group and disappeared in the direction of Times Square.

"That didn't go the way you expected it would," Niall said quietly. Harry shook his head.

"Not at all."

"But this was better, wasn't it?" Liam said. He and Louis had clicked right back into their easy friendship, much more easily than the others. "It all worked out."

"More or less," Harry said. "It was...nice."

* * *

 

**part xxvii: healing begins**

_there's freedom waiting in the sound when you let your walls fall to the ground we're here now this is where the healing begins this is where the healing starts when you come to where you're broken within the light meets the dark_

* * *

 

_This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!_

"...and I know this is my fifth or sixth voicemail telling you about it, but...mum, it's just. I don't know what to think anymore. Because I don't hate him, but I don't love him and I don't know what to do. I'm going back to California today, but. It's just something I wasn't expecting, I guess. Love you."

* * *

 

_You've reached Danielle Peazer. I'm unable to take your call at the moment, so please leave a message at the beep!_

"Dani, you would not believe the day we've had. I'll tell you all about it when I get back home, but...Jesus Christ. This might top...you know. When everything went to hell."

* * *

 

_You've reached Annabelle Miller! I'm a bit busy at the moment, but I'll get back to you as soon as possible!_

"Annie...it's Niall. I. Um, my roadtrip's coming to an end, I kept my promise and didn't call you until the last day with everyone else. I'll be back in LA in five or six days, I guess. I'll see you then. I hope you're feeling better, and your chemo's going okay. I'll...I'll see you when I get back. I love you, Annie."

* * *

 

_This is Anne Cox! Leave a message at the beep!_

"Hi, Anne. I'm pretty sure Harry's already called you, but in case he hasn't...he and Louis had a really long talk, and I think they're better now. Not going to get back together, but they might possibly be friends again. I don't know, haven't really slept for the past three days so my brain's not processing all that quick, but. Yeah, that's what's happened."

* * *

 

**part xxviii:  the time has come for you to leave**

_i can see it in your eyes that you are restless the time has come for you to leave it's so hard to let you go but in this life i know you have to be who you were made to be_

* * *

 

Liam's flight wasn't until three that afternoon, while Zayn and Harry didn't leave until five.

So they had a good ten hours to explore New York.

"I'll play tour guide," Louis offered. "I've lived here long enough, I can do it."

They managed the Statue of Liberty and Times Square before Liam had to head to the hotel for his bag and the airport for check-in. They all decided to go with him, exhaustion finally fully setting in from the hectic past two weeks.

"So, this is it, I guess," Liam said, holding a bit too tightly to the strap of his bag before he went through check in. "Until next time?"

"If there is a next time," Niall teased, because if he didn't, he'd probably cry and he was not crying in the middle of the airport where people were already whispering and surreptitiously taking pictures of them. They were all back to looking like themselves--Liam's green hair was back to his normal soft brown, and Harry had finally stopped wearing tourist t-shirts and beanies everywhere.

One Direction in an airport with Taylor Swift was bound to draw public attention.

"Could we get a photo of everyone first?" Louis asked, just before Liam opened his mouth to say goodbyes.

Everyone looked at everyone else half-nervously. None of them were strangers to photos or cameras, but it was a rather different group present today than they'd ever been photographed with before.

"Come on," Louis said. "Just a photo first. Like old times."

"Why not," Harry said, surprising everyone. "Might as well, right? Charlie, Taylor, you too."

Charlie grabbed a passing tourist and instructed them how to use her camera before darting into frame and wrapping her arm around Niall's shoulder. "Come on, all of us."

They all leaned together, Liam and Louis, Niall and Charlie, Zayn and Taylor, Harry in the middle of Liam and Zayn.

The camera flashed and that was that, they were frozen in time, seven people who weren't really sure of who they were to everyone else in the photo.

Not that anyone would know that, with the way they were all smiling.

* * *

 

**part xxix: starts with goodbye**

_I guess it's gonna break me down like falling when you try to fly it's sad but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life starts with goodbye._

* * *

 

_You've reached Liam Payne's mobile phone. I'm sorry I missed your call, and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. If this is Danielle, I love you. If this is anyone else, leave a message at the beep and I'll get back to you as soon as possible!_

"Hey, Liam! It's Danielle. I'm at the airport, waiting in baggage claim and I don't see you anywhere. The flight board says you got in safely and should be at baggage, but you're not here and I'm getting a little-- _Liam! Oh my God! You're back! How was your trip?_ ... ... ... Oh, hell. I should probably hang up, I was leaving you a message."

* * *

 

_You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep._

"Hey, Niall, it's Liam, I'm just calling to say I got in fine. Danielle says to tell you hi and she's sorry you weren't at the wedding. I...I guess I'll call you, sometime. Talk later, bye."

* * *

 

_You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep._

"Harry here. I just got chewed out, but I'm doing fine. The past two weeks were... really fun. I don't exactly want to do it again, but... it helped. So. Thanks, for everything."

* * *

 

_You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep._

"Niall, you quite possibly have the weirdest callback message of all of us, and that includes Louis'. But I'm heading back to London now--if you're ever in town, stop by. Or, we could all just pretend that the last two weeks didn't happen. I think that's what Harry's going to be doing. Anyways...it was really great to see you, and maybe we should do it again sometime? Or not. Whatever works. Bye."

* * *

 

_You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep._

"Hey, it's Louis. I know you guys just left, but I wanted to make sure you knew you're welcome in New York anytime. I was mostly mad because Harry and I were so awkward. But if you're ever in New York, give me a ring and we'll go get a coffee or something. I know you're coming with Ed to the festival in a couple weeks--maybe we could meet up for that? I dunno. Just a thought."

* * *

 

_You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep._

"It's um. It's Taylor. I just wanted to say thanks--if you hadn't done this roadtrip thing, I still wouldn't have talked with Zayn. And. It's better now, that we've talked. So. Thanks. And maybe you'd like to work together on a song or something? It might be sort of. Interesting. Anyways. Take care!" 

* * *

 

**part xxx: the love that i lost**

_it's time i put the love that i lost in a cardboard box ship to UPS no return address no no i gotta let go ready for takeoff right into nothing oh there's gotta be something if i crash i'll begin again_

* * *

 

And that was it. Liam packed up his bags and went home. Harry returned to his TV show and his band, and Zayn went with him for awhile, to make sure Harry didn't vanish again. Niall took the train down to DC, picked up the big orange van--empty and lonely now, with only him in it--and drove back to LA. It took him six days of driving dawn til dusk and five nights of pretending to sleep.

Sometime when he was crossing another nameless state in the middle of the US, he realized--he was probably never going to see any of them ever again. At the very least, he wasn't going to see them _together_ , and never in the same way. Liam, for all he wanted them to be there for his wedding, hadn't waited. Zayn had moved on with his cafe and the X-Factor and the woman he was dating and the possible reconciliation with Taylor. Louis had a new life, in the form of New York and Charlie. Harry was in too much pain to deal with any of them anymore. They might be friends now, but they'd never be friends of the scale they were before.

Somehow, Niall knew it had been a long time coming. They'd done far too much damage to each other, kept too many secrets and put a lifetime of trust into four years of friendship, and they'd been four of the best years Niall could have wished for.

But now they were five people who had nothing in common anymore, save their ghosts and a few memories.

Niall was still thinking along those lines as he pulled into the rental agency. He removed his things from the van, turned in the keys and called a cab.

Back at his flat, he tacked up the photo, phoned his girlfriend, looked at the notebook of songs he'd left behind three weeks ago, picked up his guitar and went to work.

After all, life waited for no one.

* * *

 

**part xxxi: return to me**

_i'm giving you my heart to break again i'm leaving you a way to get back in return to me return to me_

* * *

 

_You know who it is. Leave a message at the beep._

"Hey, Ni. It's Louis. I was thinking...Liam's getting married again, right? And he's on the West Coast and we're all on the East Coast, yeah? And it's been a couple of years since you lot did that road trip. What would you say if we got together and pulled together one last huzzah as One Direction? Just a thought. Call me back!"

* * *

 

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, Liam's hair was green the whole time. 
> 
> Everything below here is personal notes I just wanted to share because this thing devoured my life--feel free to skip over.  
> This also slightly differs from the version I submitted for the contest--when I went back over it, I wasn't entirely happy with the ending and decided to add part xxxi: return to me. If you don't like it, feel free to disregard it entirely. For the record, that part is set a year and a half later.
> 
> There's all sorts of backstory and headcanon you guys don't need but I wrote out anyways because I'm way too invested in this AU. I initially had a story I wrote as a prequel: Red (The Sort of Love You Want) and I guess technically it works as a prequel but I wrote it before Haylorgate and therefore it got totally jossed, so in December (two months after I finished both EF and Red, I wrote a new explanation and filled in a few more blanks. That can be found here (http://dormilonaluna.tumblr.com/post/44071890423/everythings-fine-heartbeat-racing-the) in a post on my tumblr (dormilonaluna). In that post I also discuss what I pulled from the WMYB video and the times as found on youtube, so you can see for yourself what I pulled and get a bit of a visual reference.


End file.
